My Favorite Internet Memes

They are in no particular order, just whatever I found first on my computer.
I'll update this post as I find more funny memes.

Most of them have very important lessons or messages to share with us.

On being Confused

You know how people will sometimes say, either about you or about someone else, “You/she/he is so confused”? Yeah, well, people often assume I am confused because I have multiple serious academic/research interests and passions. They overlap significantly (all are tied to gender issues and gender relations), but many people find this problematic for a reason I can’t understand and have no desire to understand. Me, I don't understand why my interests or what I do is any of their business and why it should bother them, but I'll refrain from assuming what their rationales must be, though I do have an idea.

But anyway, so ... I’ve also learned that people will “accuse” you of being confused if you disagree with them or with mainstream thinking. And it is in times like these that when I get told, “Okay, you’re just a confused soul” that I feel so happy with myself. It’s not that I enjoy confusing people, but it’s that I’m clearly different from them, and I love that. I don’t want to be like anyone else. I love myself. And I am not ashamed to be “different,” whatever that means.

But what the heck does it mean to be confused anyway? To me, it’s a great thing to be confused. It means you’re learning and growing, both of which are a part of life and should be (and I think are) concomitants of each other: you can’t learn and not grow; you can’t (okay, you shouldn’t) grow and not learn. To be confused is to acknowledge that you’re a being in the making, a process, you learn and you realize you have faults and you want to rectify them and hence yourself. To be confused is to realize that you have options, that you are free, that you have power, that you have agency. So choose for yourself. To be confused is to understand that life is not all that simple, that there are many hard decisions to be made in life and they sometimes come with harsh trade-offs, and you’re confused because you are wise and mature enough to know that you can’t take the easy way out, that you can’t make just any decision and live with it.
In short, to be confused is to be human.

So, next time someone tells you that you’re confused, be grateful! It means you’re learning and growing and it’s showing! *smile*

Aaaand I just found this great video that represents a part of my message to all, especially women:

The Names of the Afghan victims killed and wounded by U.S. Soldier Robert Bales

It finally occurred to someone in the media to give some recognition, an identity beyond the ugly number 16, to the innocent people who were brutally murdered (and some who were wounded) in Kandahar (Afghanistan) on Sunday, March 11, 2012 by Sergeant Robert Bales of Washington State. Crazily enough, we can tell you what his wife blogs about (seriously?!) or what his and his wife's favorite vacation spot was (what the hell?), but no one has bothered to ask about the innocents murdered. The white westerners will always bear more importance, more interest than us unimportant little souls from the east.

Here are their names. God grant them the peace they never saw their lives on earth, aameen.

The dead:
Mohamed Dawood son of  Abdullah
Khudaydad son of Mohamed Juma
Nazar Mohamed
Payendo
Robeena
Shatarina daughter of Sultan Mohamed
Zahra daughter of Abdul Hamid
Nazia daughter of Dost Mohamed
Masooma daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Farida daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Palwasha daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Nabia daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Esmatullah daughter of Mohamed Wazir
Faizullah son of Mohamed Wazir
Essa Mohamed son of Mohamed Hussain
Akhtar Mohamed son of Murrad Ali

The wounded:
Haji Mohamed Naim son of Haji Sakhawat
Mohamed Sediq son of Mohamed Naim
Parween
Rafiullah
Zardana
Zulheja

SOURCE: No one asked their names.

Marriage among the Pashtun Diaspora in the West - Introduction

A couple of weeks ago, we had to write a paper in Arabic on any social issue that interested us. I proposed to write on marriage among Pashtuns in the West. I'll explain how it is that we get married -- and why it's really tragic -- in the next post, but for now, I just want to introduce my interest in this "tragedy." I don't think it's discussed enough among Pashtuns, particularly those who disapprove it. But they/we feel as though we're not in charge, and we don't have any power over or say in how we get married, so we keep silent, talking about it only with our Pashtun friends and not our elders who are typically the ones in charge. I'll be happy to tell stories of those of my friends who are currently suffering because of this way but have no way of getting outta the marriage because their families don't support the idea of divorce.

You see, I’ve come across many Pashtuns, both those whom I know only online and those whom I know personally, who are too frustrated with the way of marriage that I'm going to describe in upcoming posts, and I wish more Pashtuns would talk about it more openly. Importantly, I wish they'd discuss it with their parents! But then again, I understand there’s generation and culture gaps between the Pashtun youth of marriageable age and their parents. My parents are no exception. It’s difficult to sit them down to talk with them about such “delicate” matters, but I have learned that as long as you talk to them in a very respectful manner, make them understand and believe that you do not wish or intend to insult their choices, but that you are just a part of a generation of Pashtuns (and many non-Pashtuns) whose parents have different expectations for their spouses than they (the youth) do, they will lend an ear of understanding. Our parents are not stupid, and they do not lack the ability to comprehend this phenomenon. You just have to let them talk, listen to them, and then explain your own stance. My family and I have been in the U.S. for 12-13 years, and only very recently did we start communicating our frustrations with each other effectively. I think I can fairly conclude that my parents understand me and my siblings much better today than they did some two years ago, and I realize that they have made far more sacrifices in coming this far than we their children have. For this, I'll always be grateful to my parents. God bless them with a long life full of peace, happiness, and good health.

So, my suggestion to all those Pashtuns in the west (or in the east, if this applies to you, which it may) who are equally frustrated with the communication, generation, culture gaps between yourself and your parents: please talk to them. Help them understand you. They can and they will understand you, but talking about it to THEM helps much better than talking about it with those of your friends who might not at all be involved in your marriage process. I mean, it’s your parents who play the more important role in whom you marry and how you get married and where you get married than your friends do.

Because this post may get longer than I might expect, I’m going to write it in parts. This was just an Introduction to my interest in the issue. The next part will be a description of how the average Pashtun in the west gets married and what many Pashtuns and I consider to be the problem(s) with that method. Part II will discuss possible reasons for why the problem(s) exist, which entails a good understanding of the Pashtun society in Pakistan/Afghanistan. In Part III, I will propose some solutions to the existing problem(s) of marriage among Pashtuns in the diaspora (i.e., in the west).

I thank you in advance for reading and for sharing some other possible solutions that I may not discuss – or other reasons for the existence of the problem.

Up next:

• What the problem actually is (how/why Pashtuns in the West marry Pashtuns back home and its consequences)
• Misconceptions about Pashtun girls raised in the West (and part b)
• On Pashtun Women's Marriage to Non-Pashtun Men

No Such Thing as a Mistake: On Mistakes, Marriage, and Self-righteous Hypocrites

I’ve always believed there should be absolutely no lies in any relationship. Either stay silent if you don’t want the truth to be known, or then tell the truth. But …

But then … telling the truth is dangerous sometimes, depending on whom you’re telling it to. So, it’s like, the relationship might be based on having to hide lots of certain stuff from the partner because your relationship depends on it. We see this happening quite often, and I see it especially in traditionally arranged marriages where the couple doesn’t believe in compatibility or whatever, and the wife often hides things from her husband, especially if it involves her doing or leaving the house without his consent or knowledge – or talking to someone he doesn’t like. And this makes me wonder, if the relationship is prone to die over something – anything! – is it really worth it then?

What about “mistakes” made in the past? Actually, lemme set something straight: I don’t believe in mistakes. I see everything as an experience, a bad one or a good one or somewhere in between. Mistakes are simply “bad experiences” that we don’t realize were bad until much later, or maybe right away sometimes. We *chose* to do things we are not fond of having done now, but so what? If there are “mistakes,” what are the other things we did that we actually are fond of or indifferent to? What are those called? So! I don’t believe in mistakes.

An Important Message to Humanity - the reality

In Sacred Aloneness

This poem may be read as Part II of "A Book of My Life" ... though I don't see it as such. This one has more history than any of the other poems I've ever written. And it's beautiful history.

EDIT May 25, 2012: *Like some of my other poems, I don't know what to title this, so this current title is temporary in case I get better suggestions.*

In Sacred Aloneness

My breath against yours,
Lost in the tenderness of the night,
In a heavenly embrace
It’s been too long, Love,
We’ve wronged ourselves
We’ve wronged each other
No, love did wrong us!
Wrap me in your embrace
As I tell you all my stories
And listen to all of yours
Sharing with you all the secrets I’ve hidden from all others
For too long
Telling you of all the hearts I’ve broken,
All the lies I’ve told and the truths I’ve hidden
All the lovers I’ve rejected, all the enemies I’ve invited
The self I’ve lost, the Self I’ve gained
Remember that book that glimmered with the word “Love”?
Which I’d offered only to you,
Which I’d accepted only for you?
Yes, our Story of Oneness.
Let me consume myself in you
Losing my breath in yours
Feeling your heartbeat against mine
With you, I feel happiness unknown to me elsewhere
It is only with you that my heart feels constant bursts of pleasure
And peace. And happiness.
Your every touch, your every breath, your every word --
Makes my body ache for more of you
I want to dance to you all night
To your heavy breathings,
With closed eyes, my hands in yours
My heartbeat against yours,
My lips tasting the sweetness of your lips
Celebrating our love,
Celebrating our union,
Celebrating our togetherness
In sacred aloneness
Inside the paradise we’ve created for ourselves
Where sin does not feel like sin
Don’t you see this glow?
It is the mark of love, of happiness, of pleasure
Don’t you see – we were always meant to be
So let Our Hearts rejoice in Love once more till eternity's impossible end!

March 10, 2012

Options for a New Blog Link?

Dear readers,

As I mentioned on the FB page and on Twitter, I'm contemplating changing the URL of this blog because "qrratugai" is too difficult to pronounce even for many of my Pashtun readers (it's a Pashto term for "the little ranter," and now the gai ("the little") is finally starting to bug me). It made sense when I first started this blog, back in January 2009, since I didn't think I'd discuss so many serious issues as I do now. But now it doesn't make sense. Even if it did make sense, I'd wanna change it primarily because I want my non-Pashtun readers to be able to spell and pronounce it when they're typing it in the address bar.

BUT! This doesn't mean I'm getting rid of the name "qrratu." I'll always be the only "qrratugai" on the Internet (BIG GRIN), and that will always be special to me :D I'll still always be the only "qrratu" on the Internet, but it's time to move on from "qrratugai" to something more simpler and easier to pronounce and spell.

And another reason I need to replace "qrratugai" with another word in the URL is that it looks like I get a lot of viewers to this blog whenever they're looking for something Pashtun/Pukhtun/Pashto/Pashto-related, and I wonder what they think as soon as they see the URL! ONE another reason is that ... well, I'll be discussing my blog in some academic studies I hope to pursue, and, well, I obviously want people to remember the link and not have to search for it if they need or would like to (re-)visit it.

And yet another reason is that I plan to make this an actual website, with a domain name and all. So I need to make sure I got a good name/word for that link then.

So! I've been getting lots of great suggestions for a new URL, and I'm going to share them here so you guys can vote on which word/phrase you think would make best for the kinda blog this is. I'm most leaning toward the first choice as of now ... what y'all think? I know it's an English phrase, but it doesn't matter to me which language the word/phrase is in as long as it reflects the content and style of my blog.

Here's the list I've gathered thus far. Remember, we're trying to replace "qrratugai" in the original link with any of the following (or any other suggestions).

A Book of My Life

I started writing poetry in 2002 or so. Don't remember the exact year, but I was in 9th grade. I started because we had this poetry assignment in English/Literature class that required a few original poems in different genres. I couldn't write poetry, had never tried it, didn't think it was for ordinary people like me, etc., etc., so I asked a classmate of mine to lend me a couple of hers that she already had. I know - I lied, and it wasn't wise or smart or ethical because the assignment called for original poems of our own. But, hey, I wasn't and still am no poet, k, so it made sense to just take a couple from a friend. Surprisingly, she didn't mind, either. She did suggest, after the assignment was over, that I try to write. So I was like fine -- and I wrote my first ever poem. I'll share that some other time.

But lemme tell you what I used to write like. I was pretty lame. I often wrote on love, but, hell, this girl couldn't write poetry at all. I still don't consider myself a poet, BUT I do think I've improved significantly. Well, it has been a decade, y'know, and I read a lot of poetry as well. I'm going to share with you one of the poems that I think has remained one of my favorites ever since I wrote it. It won a poetry contest when I was in 11th grade ... 2005 (don't laugh! I was young, k?). Back then, I used to write the date AND the time the poem was written at! Which is very interesting, now that I look back. I'm actually glad I did that because I remember every single thing I was feeling when I wrote this poem. It was, as the date/time says, Thursday, February 12th 2004 at 12:25am (I finished the poem at 12:25). It was raining really hard outside (I love rain, and I think it's very romantic, and I'm a very romantic personnnn), and I had just gotten ready to sleep. I was very sleepy, but this idea came into my head as the raindrops kept "drumming" against my windows. I immediately got up, turned the lights on, and got a pencil and a paper and started writing this. It didn't take long to write at all.

The poem's called "A Book of My Life." Also, you're allowed to judge me. All my readers are. I don't fear judgment. BUT I'll admit it myself that this poem isn't a good one :) If I had to rate it myself on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being excellent and 1 being horrible, I'd say it deserves a 3.5. Then again, no more than one or two of my poems would get a rating of more than 8.5 from me. Just so you know what to expect. But my poems before 2008 were pretty dumb and lame, LOL :D And I don't mind that. All of my friends wrote like that (the friend whose poems I claimed as my own for the above-mentioned assignment also wrote this lamely, but I think most young people, and many older people also, in America write lame lines that rhyme and call it poetry. I rarely come across someone whose poetry moves me. I don't think western poetry can ever do to me what eastern poetry (Arabic, Pashto, Persian, Urdu -- I'd add Hebrew and others if I knew these languages!) does to me. So I don't expect you to think this poem below is great. BUT I'm sharing it for two reasons:

1. Yesterday on the plane (visiting family), I wrote a romantic poem that's been on my mind for a while now. I finally did it. It was killing me, but the mood was just never set perfectly for it to be written. And then somehow, looking out the plane window made it so possible and easy for me to write the poem in one go. I mention this poem because, in it, I allude to something I say in this poem below: "chapters glimmering with the word love." So tomorrow or another day when I share that new poem with y'all, and you read this phrase in it, you'll know what it's a reference to.
2. I love this poem. And although it's not among my best, it's one of my very few poems that I can read time and again, and I've even memorized many of its lines. I've recited the poem out loud as well (I forget where/why), and when I recite it out loud even now, I read it with such emotion, such love, such nostalgia, such reminiscence. Nostalgia for what, reminiscing what, you might ask. Nothing. It's just the tone of the poem that makes me read/recite it that way. And I love it that way. I absolutely love it.

So!! Here goes it!

How the media manipulates our viewpoint

I can't get over this picture. It's so important to share.

Think Twice before Donating to Kony 2012

I have a lot to say on this whole "Kony2012" movement that's been going viral over the Internet for the last 24 hours alone (particularly with regards to how we selfishly select one group of people over another to help them fight for their rights), but I really like this article that I'm pasting below, and I hope it'll remind us to be critical of what we view and what's forced our way. I'm not saying don't support human rights, I'm not saying that Kony is not an evil person, but I'm simply suggesting that we be critical of everything that becomes a trend, that there must be a reason why this video is going viral, that there's a reason why other people around the world who are going through very similar (if not worse) horrors but are still being neglected. Support Kony 2012 all you want, as long as you know your facts, as long as your decision to do so is made upon thorough research of the history - the past and the present - as well as about what the Ugandan people themselves are doing to help themselves achieve a better future (note that one of the things that film suggests is that the Ugandans are completely helpless, can't do anything on their own, and we MUST intrude -- that without us, they're nothing).

Pashtuns, Social Networks, and Gender Empowerment

I knew I'd one day write something on my online experiences -- how they've empowered me as a woman and as an individual -- but I didn't know I'd ever write anything academic on it! But after some long discussions about it with a professor of mine for a Gender Studies course, we agreed this would be a great project.

I'll explain the significance of the study in the paper (and eventually on this blog), but I can say this at the moment: I'm interested in how Pashtuns use the Internet, particularly social networks (including discussion forums and blogs), to empower themselves and other Pashtuns. I've observed that blogging has been especially empowering for the few Pashtun women bloggers I know. I initially considered focusing only on Pashtun women bloggers/users of social networks, but I've come across many Pashtun men who share the predicaments of Pashtun women, the social pressures, the frustrations, the anger, and they, too, need to be heard. Unfortunately, I know of very few Pashtuns (whether women or men) who blog on social justice or gender issues, whether in their daily lives or in the Pashtun community, particularly among the diaspora.

What I need your help with: First, forward me the links of any Pashtun bloggers you know. I'm particularly seeking Pashtuns who discuss social issues or gender matters, but for the time being, others would do as well. Second, I have a few (5 or so) questions that I'd like Pashtun bloggers to answer about blogging or how they use social networks and what they achieve from them, and I'd deeply appreciate if you contact me at qrratugai@gmail.com to get those questions and send me answers at your convenience. Also, please help me spread the word. :)

Meanwhile, I will be exploring and analyzing the blogs of the people I have listed here to see what I can gather from their blogging activities. This list, however, doesn't yet have any male bloggers, and I am searching for those right now.

Many, many thanks for your help and support!

~ qrratu

P.S. I'll be happy to answer any questions or concerns about the study vial e-mail.