As I mentioned in an earlier post (Reflections on a Past - Part I (a): back then), I was an adamant fan and a devout student of Zakir Naik. Then in early 2007, I started noticing way too many double standards and contradictions in his views, especially in what he calls “logic,” and after listening to and reading at least a hundred to a thousand more of his debates and articles and “books,” I decided he was not a scholar after all, that he was only misguiding me further, that he was a misogynist and deep inside was promoting hatred, not love and peace for all, especially against women, non-Muslims, and non-Sunni Muslims. Disappointed big time, I stopped turning to him for all my questions on Islam.
Having been disappointed this much by someone I admired so deeply for so long (long here means about a year), I decided there was no one who could answer all my questions and allay all my doubts. And stuff. So I decided to just go ahead and read everything I could get my hands on and see where it’d lead me, and maybe I’d reach a level in which I embraced myself with all these doubts and fears and questions and dissatisfactions.
Then I found a friend who challenged everything I believed in. And I fell completely to the other extreme. I’ll always be grateful to this person, even though today, I’d rarely agree with her/him on any religious or social issue, and I think falling to that extreme that easily was not so smart or wise at all. But I do not regret it.
Previously:
- Reflections on a Past - Part I (a): back then!
- Reflections on a Past - Part I (b): the effects
Coming up:
- Reflections on a Past - Part III: me today!
Having been disappointed this much by someone I admired so deeply for so long (long here means about a year), I decided there was no one who could answer all my questions and allay all my doubts. And stuff. So I decided to just go ahead and read everything I could get my hands on and see where it’d lead me, and maybe I’d reach a level in which I embraced myself with all these doubts and fears and questions and dissatisfactions.
Then I found a friend who challenged everything I believed in. And I fell completely to the other extreme. I’ll always be grateful to this person, even though today, I’d rarely agree with her/him on any religious or social issue, and I think falling to that extreme that easily was not so smart or wise at all. But I do not regret it.
Previously:
- Reflections on a Past - Part I (a): back then!
- Reflections on a Past - Part I (b): the effects
Coming up:
- Reflections on a Past - Part III: me today!
interesting...and waiting for part 3...I can understand that you were young back then and had all these concerns...and I have learned that the mission is not to convert all..there are verses concerning individuals with "sealed hearts" or "deaf and blind" and yes I have seen such people and for sure it will be my waste of time to consider converting them. Islam is special in itself and wishing to converting others, one should also ask, Do they deserve it? And 'niat' is the base to everything...meaning good intentions. But what I have learn is we all end up connecting in the most surprising ways...tribe and sectors are only created so that you recognize the other fellow human being as someone who has a lot in common with you. This recognition is a test in itself. Islam is deeper than what the majority of Muslims believe. When you experience that dept you find such peace that little things that mattered does not bother you anymore. I call it the Chill state..lolz
ReplyDeleteOusai
Thanks so much for your comment, Ousai! It took me a while to learn all that of that myself :D But I'm glad I finally did learn it.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine you in this way AT ALL! I can't wait to read the last part!
ReplyDeleteLOL, Rukhpar Mor :D As we say in Pukhto, kanaaaa! (Something like "I know, right!") But bahleeeeve it, girl :)
ReplyDelete