Sta pa Chaman ka pa Gudar Ujaram - a sung poem on the recent predicament of Swat

Sta pa chaman ka pa gudar ujaram ...

The parts of the poem I'm transcribing below name some of the villages in Swat. I'll translate it some other time, ka khairee.

For a better understanding of the poetry and the images (re: Taliban/Pakistani army destroying Swat), please click here.

Sta pa Khwazakhela ka Bandai ujaram,
Sta Gul-e-Bagh ka Baghderai ujaram,
Za pa kabal au Shaderai ujaram,
Ka pa Munja ao Sirsinnai ujaram,
Shakardara ka Kharerrai ujaram,
Za pa Smbat ka pa Wenai ujaram,
Pa Alabad ka Ningwalai ujaram,
Za pa Chuparyal ka Shangotai ujaram
Sta pa Charbagh ka Manglawar ujaram,
Sta pa Chaman ka pa gudar ujaram

Pa khyal che zama Mingawara rashi
Pa tan me zorawara rashi,
Alta sa dasi hadisey wenama,
Che bunyadam tukrre tukrre wenama

k, I'll transcribe the rest another time. It takes time, gosh.

Disclaimer: Some photos may be disturbing for some viewers.

I Saw Him, and I Saw God

Pre-post: The title's currently under construction. Not sure what to title it, but your suggestions are welcome! :)

Good Mourning to You

There’s this longing in my heart that won’t go away
I’m drenched in my tears and pain, in a mourning of you
There’s this pain in my heart that won’t go away
And I’m tearing apart, without you
Once, I was yours, you were mine,
There was lust, there was passion, there was love
You were my God, I was your Goddess
I was the melody, you were my voice
You were the body, I was your soul
I was your moon, you were my glow
And in sweet, eternal nights, we lay in love,
Veiled in waves of passion and of longing
Surrounded by sacred aloneness
And there was peace, peace in my heart
I'd see you, and I'd see God
I was complete in your being
I lived inside you, you lived inside me
Had I known our last kiss would be our last,
I would’ve held on to your lips till the death of eternity
Perhaps eternity has died
Because there’s this longing in my heart that won’t go away
And I’m smothered in a mourning for you

November 10, 2011

... This is volume two of Exodus of the Wretched Souls

Pictures from Swat: The Waters of Swat

So, this is a continuation of my pictures from Swat, which I promised to share with my viewers a long, long time ago but haven't been able to do it consistently. For the first part of these pictures (which were the houses of Swat), click here.
For some videos of Swat, including ones that capture some rivers/watery areas of Swat, please click here and here (this one is specifically of the Kanju bridge). Otherwise, enjoy the following photos.

Also, some of the pics aren't clear because they're taken from a distance and/or from a moving car. There are several reasons for this, among them: it's difficult for a female to take pictures (imagine taking pictures covered from head to toe, with your face covered as well); and most of the following photos are of rivers and other bodies of water that are currently dangerous due to fallen bridges--and reconstruction is taking forever to be complete, and so there's a ton of traffic on these bridges, which means you can't just get out of your car and walk across the bridge just for photos. Basically, forgive the bad quality of some of the pics!

Oh, and lemme just say that I actually didn't take photos of the rivers in other Swati villages/towns, like Dadahara, Khwazakhela, and Kabal (in Kabal, I didn't get to go out much; in Dadahara, I was with family friends, not with family or friends, so we didn't stop by the rivers to enjoy the cool breeze and scenery; in Khwazakhela, we were only passing by it on our way to and from Baghderai (pictures below) so didn't stop for pics or enjoyment. I do have videos of the Khwazakhela bazaars and some rivers, though, just no pics), or even Madyan/Bahrain/Kalaam! The day we'd planned to go to Madyan, my mother's aunt passed away--God bless her soul--and so we didn't go anywhere for the next three days. Ka khairee, next time I go to Swat, it'll be for a much longer period of time, so I'll go all over ... or maybe this time I'll just relax and actually talk to people, no? I will be sure to let you know whatever I decide then (lol?).


The point is: I hope you enjoy the following - and learn something from them about the valley called Swat, also commonly referred to as Heaven on Earth or the Switzerland of South Asia. I'm gonna go with the Heaven on earth title, 'cause I don't think Swat can be compared to any other part of the world, not in beauty, not in hospitality, not in love, ... not in destruction! And, yes, it's still as beautiful as ever despite the recent war there. May it live forever and forever! Aameen.

Da Hazaare Pul (Hazara Bridge - Hazara is the name of a village in Swat)

About the picture to the left: My maternal aunts had come to our village to welcome us, and when they were going back, I decided to go with them. It was at least 20 of us in one sozakey (an automobile the picture of which I'll show in another blog post soon, ka khairee), and so on our way, hagha sozakey penchar sho! (It got a flat tire, haaaa haaaa!) And it stopped working right in front of this bridge, so we decided to take a walk and I took this picture. It was my first one in Swat - and this was after having been in Swat for a few hours. This bridge is the connection among several villages, of course, and it (the bridge) has suffered so much - first during the Taliban (where an uncle of mine was shot right below it because he was in a car with a lawyer friend; the lawyer friend got killed at that same time), and then during the floods of Summer 2010. It was shaky a year later as well - not, of course, that the government has made any efforts to rebuild it. You'll see pictures of the bridge in Kanju as well, which is even worse, since that river has expanded so much.

A portion of the Kanju Bridge (Swat River)

Portion of the Kanju Bridge (there used to be fields (and buildings, even homes) on both sides of the river. Gone with the floods now.

A portion of the Kanju Bridge

This picture right above is another portion of the Kanju Bridge - aunts and uncles were telling me this is an expansion of the river as a result of the floods (Summer 2010). There used to be a madrasah, an Islamic institution where the Qur'an and hadiths were taught. The madrasah, along with all the hotels and other buildings surrounding this bridge, was destroyed by the floods.

So, this picture to the left is what a long part of the bridge looks like. As you can see, it's made of metal. Click here for a video of it as I rode through it. During evening time, say around 3-6pm, this area becomes deathly dangerous: Strong, ominous winds begin to blow, and there are long lines of cars/automobiles waiting to pass the bridge, as it's the connection between major towns/cities of Swat (e.g., Saidu and Mingawara (Mingora) on one end and Kabal, Bandai, Kotlai, (Mata, too?) etc. on another end). So if you get stuck on this bridge during that time, you have only your God to protect you. I went shopping with my aunt and by the time we returned, it was evening-ish. We were sitting in a rikshaw and it was the scariest moment of my life. I was willing to throw all the clothes and other stuff I had bought as long as I got home safely. The worst part of it was that the river, huge and flowing so fast, was to our left and right, and had our rikshaw blown off (since it's really light, the chances of that happening are very high), there's no doubt we wouldn't have survived. My cousins often narrated stories to me of people falling off the bridge, and there's no one to help pull them back out. Silly me didn't take a picture of the Fizagat area, which is a touristy town near Kanju that many Swatis visit regularly, and another major part of the river flows there as well. The most disturbing thing? There's NO railing there!!!! There was one, but it was washed away by the floods, and a new one still hasn't been built. Also, the river has expanded to the pedestrian area so that the trails are much narrower now than before. Fizagat is also very busy during night time. When I was there, it was night, say around 9pm. And it killed my insides to think that anyone could fall off that trail into the river and die instantly with the extremely fast pace of the river's flow.

Society's Slave No More

 Um. I wrote this poem in 2005, so no judging, kies? The idea is the same. I was going through some old poetry of mine and decided this wasn't too embarrassing and might be worth sharing.

Society's Slave No More

Take your hands off of me and just let me be
Don’t pressure me into feeling what I wish not to feel
Society’s slave I cannot be just for you
As I wish to continue doing the things I normally do
Who I am now I wish to forever remain
You may continue judging me, but it’ll pay off in mere vain
For I enjoy doing what I do, as I enjoy being me
Who I am now is who I’ve always wanted to be
So let the antagonism in you stop flowing
As I let my determination keep growing
Let me keep walking on the path I’ve chosen
As I pay heed to the green gazes of no one
You’ve never let me express to you what I feel
Because, for you, the true person in me is too surreal
Thus, you’ve wanted my feelings to be suppressed
While deep inside, I’ve had the burning desire to confess
That I have started to open my once-blind eyes
And let me tell you what I’ve just realized
I’ll disregard your criticism and continue being myself
Because my heart may burst if I change into someone else
And I refuse to let you keep me in distress
For it’s my real and true being that I wish to attest
So, let me finally open the lid to breathe some fresh air
Even as you continue your vile and odious stare
Because now, you see, I’ve started not to care

~ Me, 2005

Pictures from Jordan - Part I: Um Qais

 For a history and geography of Um Qais, one of Jordan's most historic and cultural cities (heck, I think all of Jordan's cities can be considered historic and intellectual and cultural!), click here. My favorite part of Um Qais is this picture below, not just because of its view but more importantly because of its significance and status.

I'll try to add captions to the rest of the pics later or something. 

This is the spot that exiled Palestinians (1948) living in Jordan come to visit on Fridays and other holidays/holy days to look over their lost homes. In front of me is Israel (the Dome of Rock can be seen from here, though not visible in this photo), to my left is the Golan Heights (the Sea of Galilee can be seen from this spot), and to my right are Syria and Lebanon.

an ancient Roman theater in the city

An Open Letter to New Graduate Students

 I find this very helpful! I'm pasting only the main points and not the paragraphs that go with each point, but you should definitely read those (link to original article provided at the end of this post).
Good luck!

"An Open Letter to New Graduate Students"
By Brian Croxall

As we were wrapping up the previous semester, three different ProfHackers wrote Open Letters addressed to groups who were making transitions through higher education. Billie kicked off the series with a letter to 2010-2011′s first-time tenure-track teachers; Nels followed with a letter for the newly tenured; and Jeff wrote to the new department chairs. Today, I would like to address a new group: those students just beginning graduate school, specifically those full-time students enrolled in a PhD program.

Expect to feel lost and out of place for a bit. 

Recognize that graduate school is a job

“Networking” is not just a word for MBAs. While you might think that the “life of the mind” should be played out by yourself, it’s important to know that networking matters as much between scholars as it does between business students. Get to know the people in your cohort, in your program, and in the field on a national level. When you go to a conference, use your time productively by mingling with the other participants. You’ll be amazed at the opportunities this can lead to. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post about attending conferences productively, mingling has led to invitations to write a review essay, to participate in a large project archiving and cataloging electronic literature, and hanging out with senior scholars in my field.

Recognize that graduate school should not be your entire life.

Understand that you’re not locked into a particular field, project, or personality. 

Plan ahead for more than one job. 

Build an online profile.
 
Build a personal research library. 

Meet your subject librarian. 

On "Meherjaan: A Story of Loving the 'Other'" - The Plot

A little over a year ago, I wrote something that I don't know how to title, but it addresses the issue of "representation," of letting others represent us, of making it compulsory upon film-makers, authors, and others to present to the public an "accurate" picture of a nation or a people, of feelings, of a past. I wrote it in response to a common but not the only Pashtun reaction to The Kite Runner. I've realized that most of the Pashtuns who attack the novel do so without having read the book. How does one criticize something or praise it without having read or experienced it for themselves? How can that be possible when they're only offering the views of other people, not their own?

But that's not the point of this post. I actually want to discuss this great film I watched tonight called "MeherJaan," directed by Rubaiyat Hossain, a Bengali woman whose expertise includes the 1971 Bengal war with Pakistan and women's stories during this traumatic, disturbing time period. I loved the film for bringing women's voices and women's narratives into the story of the war. And that's one of the reasons it's been criticized for: that it "focuses" entirely on a love story, ignoring the reality of the war, the sufferings of the people. But I say, what the heck, why make her socially, morally responsible for presenting an image of the war? Why can’t she use her own creativity, experience, and interest to create something that presents a certain aspect of the war? 

So, here, I'm going to narrate the story of Meher Jaan to you. In future posts relating to this film, I'll discuss the criticism and some of its major themes. Oh, and ... let me mention here that I watched this film this evening on campus where it was being screened with the director, Rubaiyat Hossain, and one of the main characters, Wasim Khan (played by Omar Rahim) in attendance! Do you know how awesome it feels to have met two of the most important people behind the making of a film I like very much? :) Well, it feels more than awesome! We talked afterwards, too. It was just great. Anyway, now to the story. And Just So You Know, I'm gonna tell this story in a very disorganized way, as it comes to my mind. I don't care if that bothers anyone. Sorry.

Tips on How to be a Better Woman

My short list of tips on how to be a better woman (much of it may be relevant to men and others as well). This was inspired by the documentary "Miss Representation" (2011). I'm also in the process of writing a poem that was inspired by this, but that seems to be taking a little while and I haven't been in the mood to come up with more lines, so. You'll just have to wait for that, now, woncha.

Anyway, I think most of us, including myself before anyone else, would find this helpful, so take heed and be haaaaapppppyyyy!

• Measure people’s values by their accomplishments, not by what they look like.
• Stop reading, watching, and otherwise supporting those books, TV shows, and movies that support racism, sexism, xenophobia, or if they depict any gender, sex, race, religion, or people in a negative light with the pretext that they are presenting reality.
• Be critical of everything you read, watch, and hear by viewing it from at least two different angles.
• When you’re watching a movie or reading a book, ask yourself what the roles of the women, men, homosexuals, inter-sex individuals—and other races—are in the movie/book and why they are what they are. Is it good or bad? Is there any truth to it? If it’s bad and there’s truth to it, should it be changed? If yes, how?
• Replace “he” with “she,” and watch the response not just from others but your own self, too. Do this even when talking about God. Does it change anything?
• Be a mentor to others.
• Listen to others.
• Tell other women they inspire you and that you support them (if you really do).
• Work with women, not against them. Similarly, work with men, not against them. Don’t compete with anyone. Don’t try to beat anyone.
• Protect those around you, especially children; be cognizant of their presence, and respect their feelings.
• No one but yourself can represent you the way you want to be represented.
• Think about two or three (or more) problems in your community – or your country or the world, but start small. Consider some practical solutions for them. What is your role in solving these problems?
• Remember: You are not voiceless. Represent yourself.
  

Slavery in Lahore, Pakistan

Gender Performance in Pashto Music: An Outline

Dear readers, I finished my outline for my study of gender performance in Pashto music. I expect to add more points to it as I complete the paper (I have only just started, and all I've got is the annotated bibliography, the assignment that's due tomorrow). I'll post the annotated bib another day. Feel more than free to offer feedback and suggest any readings or Pashto music videos/songs or Pashto films that offer an insight into the performance of gender (or sexuality), whether you think it's an accurate portrayal of the culture or a distortion of it, whether you believe the performers are Pashtun (men or women) or Punjabi.

Many, many thanks!

~ Qrratu

Overview: Gender Performance in Pashto Music and Media

South Asian musics have been studied and analyzed widely, and, to a large extent, women’s and men’s different roles in music production have been an important research focus. However, minimal attention is given to the study of Pashto music, particularly to Pashto music videos and gender issues. This study hopes to fill that hiatus by focusing on how Pashto music videos portray heterosexual women and men and their sexualities. Most videos I analyze appear to present both genders negatively, emphasizing the woman’s seductive “nature” and the man’s sexual urges, thereby sexualizing both. However, by surveying the role of music and music videos, such as conveying a message to their audiences, I offer other ways of interpreting this presentation of gender performance. For example, is the sexuality of women and men as expressed in Pashto music videos a response to the perceived suppression of sexuality in public in the Pashtun society? The study attempts to answer questions such as: is music intended to offer a portrayal of the culture in and about which it is produced, and, if so, how do Pashtuns respond to this depiction of their culture? Are cultural norms manipulated in music videos so as to produce an imagined, possibly an ideal, culture or society? How can the popularity of those music videos that defy cultural standards contribute to these queries and offer a different, nuanced understanding of the ideals and practices of the culture? The study also explores racial elements, such as the privileging of certain skin colors  over others, by analyzing some Pashto lyrics to determine beauty ideals for both genders as well as to understand notions of masculinity and femininity in Pashto music and music videos. Emphasizing the role of those who perform in these music videos, called "damaan" in Pashto, I also discuss how particularly the female performers ("damaaney") negotiate their sexual and cultural identities to create space for themselves in the music industry in a society where they are traditionally stigmatized because of their careers. 

Pashtun Nationalism Online - Part III: Outline

So, this sis my potential outline for the term paper on Pashtun Nationalism. Feedback is absolutely welcome and will be appreciated!

I.                    Introduction

a.       Khushal Khan Khattak’s verse (17th century)

b.      Introduce the questions to be asked and answered

c.       Methodology and sources

II.                  History

a.       The Durand Line (1893)

b.      The creation of Pakistan (1947)

III.                The Objectives of Pashtun Nationalists

a.       Define nationalism; identify Pashtun nationalists

                                                               i.      Secular, anti-Pakistan, pro-Afghanistan/pro-independence, pro-Romanization of Pashto script, pro-Pashto

b.      Survey the different types of nationalisms (ethnic, national)

c.       Discuss the goals of Pashtun nationalists

IV.                Pashtun Nationalists’ Media

a.       The Internet

                                                               i.      Virtual communities, including Facebook

                                                             ii.      Blogs

                                                            iii.      Others?

b.      The role of the Internet in instilling a certain love and appreciation of Pashto and in “converting” some Pashtuns to nationalists

V.                  Discussion and conclusions

a.       What does it mean to be Pashtun online?

b.      Who is the “self” and the “other” in these discussions, and who decides?

c.       Other questions

My Heartbeat - Kashmala!

< Pre-post: Sorry in advance about the empty spaces! I'll have to fix that another time. Thanks for understanding!>

So, beloved readers, I went to visit my family last Thursday and returned Monday night. It was a wonderful time. Seeing Kashmala truly makes me happy. Not having her is simply akin to not worth living. I have these big philosophical questions like what's the purpose of life after all when I don't have Kashmala near me to pinch every other minute or to watch her do all these cute, precious, addddorable things. Really, it's just not worth it. I want to cry when I think of her. I no longer have the pleasure of looking forward to going home from a tiring day at school just to see Kashmala's face and hear her cute little talks. And it's not like I can excuse myself from my dumb work every 15 minutes to bug Kashmala now :(

I still have her in my life, and that's still something to treasure, of course. But she's not physically with me. I am over a thousand miles away from her, and I can't afford to visit her every weekend. I love her. I miss her. I need her. Seeing her last weekend felt SO beautiful. She's grown up, though -- a little bit, and she's learning to form long, complete, meaningful sentences. She's very intelligent (mashaAllah, tf, tf - akhir khwarza da chaa da, kana? :) (i.e., she is, after all, my niece -- k, kidding) charta nazara na shi), growing more and more beautiful, and is so clever she'll make you laugh like crazy with her tricks and ideas. My whole family is amazed by her. Tf, tf, mashaAllah. With my nephew, we could all understand his intelligence because he was being raised by several college-going aunts, each one with her own interests and skills to pass on to the nephew, and then a grandma and grandpa and parents who were no less valuable. But Kashmala doesn't even have all of us to educate her, so she's just turning out to be naturally intelligent and all :D She gets that from the most intelligent man alive, though - yes, that'd be my father, God bless him infinitely and give him a long, healthy, peaceful, happy life along with my mother. Aameen.