Monday, August 6, 2012

Child Sexual Abuse - Part I: how my Quran teacher sexually abused girls

Dear readers,

Thank you for visiting! I have moved this post on child sexual abuse to my new blog over at wordpress. Please click below to access it. Thank you!

How my Qur’an Teacher Sexually Abused Girls

34 comments:

  1. Horrible. what else can I say. But what I wonder is whether parents don't notice that children don't like going to school - their grades slipping - depression etc.

    I am man and was abused then my grades slipped - I was a problem child till I grew up; I don't like talking about it but then it took a long time to come to terms with it.

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  2. Just awful, for the young girls and for you being put in that position... No child should be abused or forced to witness, an unfair, horrible thing to endure. I saw your tweets yesterday and I couldn't help but think about the Catholic Church scandals in the Western nations. It wasn't only the sexual abuse that upset people, it was the cover- up and victim blaming from the establishment and laypeople that caused the most damage. The Church's reputation has been damaged... The irony is if they didn't worry about their 'reputation' and behaved justly toward the victims and punished the abusers, the Church would've been highly respected for taking action. It's good you are raising this as a Pashtun woman, I hope that very fact empowers women to discuss this openly, knowing there is someone there who is on their side. Wish you luck with this important discussion

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  3. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(
    Totally sick prople!!!
    If it was my way, this is what I would do to these sick people!
    Get them and extinguish them!!!!!!!
    I saw a documentary, where this pedophile was about to be released in the open and he said with a straight face, "When I go out there, I will do it again. This is a sickness that has no cure". Hearing that from a convicted child molester, one is forced to think that these people are not going to mend their ways, therefore, the only punishment for them is death!!! Nothing less!!

    And I would like to add one more thing, it is not only the religious older teachers, it could be an older cousin of a family, older friend of the parents, an authority figure, someone you respect as elder.
    Religious people should be punished harder as they are the ones that are supposedly holding the fort!!!!!

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  4. I am very proud of the author of this writing, I wish you peace. I too am or was a victim of abuse as a child in school by the principle of the school. I can with clarity it has cuased me great pain and loss in my life. I suffered for over forty years until I was able to face the reality of the abuse. I know and understand every type of pain,shame,rage, guilt or any other emotion or state of mind one can have fcrom such abuse.

    I pray to the same God you have, but mine has a different name. That you can contact me at my email addresss and hopefully work together. I think your presentation and approach to explaining your work is great! You do not realize you are as much a victim of this abuse as the kids who were harmed physically by this animal.Actually he is less than an animal he is the slime of the world I hope and pray people will read my comments here and offer support. I have a story to tell that makes Penn State sound like a fairy tale. I was abused by a school principle who was allowed to continue in his abuse after he had been arrestted by the police. He even abused his own staff members grandson and the staff member stayed on.

    I can be reached at williamberns@aol.com maybe we can start some global orginization of people who were abused and we can help each other heal and also work on prevention and reporting abuse. Thank you for being courageous enough to speak about the unspoken thank you and I hope you have peace in your life.

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  5. Some people are SICK!

    I graduated from an Afghan school in Pakistan, but I never experienced/witnessed anything like this because our school was completely seggregrated. We didn't have any male teachers or students... and to be honest, I really liked my school the way it was. There was only one (50 or maybe 60 years old) guy in our school, who had a snack shop. I think he was living there with his wife… chawkedar ghonde wo.

    I think it is important for people to talk about these issues, so we can find a solution. And it is important for kids to know what they should do in these situations.

    Aw again de khfgyan khabara da da che zmong some pakhtana da fikar kawe che dase karona ba kala hom zmong pa society ke nekegi. Ya right! I hope che zmong khalko ke lag aqal rashe.

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  6. many such Problems with boys too. The fear and lake of confidence becomes part of personality for the whole life when some teacher/fellow used to announce/show you as his lover (Janaan) to the others and you are a simple noble boy not knowing how to deal that.
    Although no one could steped forward to hurt/touch physically but in school times, I personally suffered a lot pshycologically and still feel weeknesses (can not remove) in my per sonality cused due to that.

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  7. We had this teacher (who worked and taught in Madrasa and Mosques) who came home to teach us Qur'an, I was oldest (8 yrs of age) of the children (the rest of all were 4, 5, 6 etc). So he would teach us and the neighbor's kids Qur'an and fiqh. He was always decent when I was present (in fact he didn't even touch/pat/pinch/beat/talk 'flirtingly' like the other teachers 'normally' do, which made me think he was 'extra' good or decent). Then one day my younger sister and others (4 yr olds) told our mother and neighbor that the teacher misbehaved. And I spoke defending him :| and that I have never witnessed any such thing and there was nothing wrong with his conduct towards the children, after all he taught Qur'an and how can he be a bad man? Then another day my brother said the same thing, he told the elders that teacher would move his lower garment and show them his private parts, he took pleasure in doing that. Though at first people thought it was the kids' story to escape from Qur'an lessons, they knew they were too young and innocent to make up such stories and before things got worse, they told him he no longer need to teach their children Qur'an and other things.

    I am glad and at the same time disappointed because I didn't believe the kids at first, I was a child myself and that was what I first had to say "he's such a good man, religious and pious".

    I have a group of friends/cousins who believe that every teacher at Madrasas is a pedophile :| that was the conclusion they came to. I'm sure there are many who think that way.

    And comes relatives. Our children are supposed to be the safest in the company of people 'closer' to God (sometimes these happen in Mosques/Churches/temples so places of God!) people at school (the second 'divine' place after places of worship and prayer. Where teachers are gods themselves/angels that guide us etc) and their relatives (need I say anything here?). But the truth is most of the times they're not.

    I love you for writing this blog :) thank you!

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  8. Dear commenters,
    I'll reply to each of you individually, but for now, I'll just say this:

    Thank you so much for your responses! And for sharing your own experiences. I'm very sorry for anyone who's ever been through this. It's honestly the best way to make a child feel completely worthless. Someone on Twitter told me and others who are discussing it there that he knows of someone who was sexually abused by his local mullah (religious teacher, usually at the mosque), and he, the victim, later committed suicide. Others are saying that everyone in town knows when a certain mullah does something like this, but no one ever does anything about.

    Others are saying that it's not just mullahs who do it (very true) but even family members do it as well. And some families know this is the case but don't punish the pedophile/abuser because they're afraid of "offending" him! Maybe the relations will become bad between them? What the hell? Whatever happened to a child's safety and protection?

    We'll talk more about this in upcoming posts on this subject.

    Thank you for you all's participation :)

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  9. Horrible, truly terrible :( I also have a close friend who was abused by her 'Qari sahib' who used to come to her house to teach her and her siblings, but she felt too ashamed to tell anyone for ages - until she finally told her mother as her younger sister was now old enough to take lessons with the teacher and she didn't want her to go through the same thing. The fellow promptly got sacked, but her mother didn't do anything else about it, probably as she didn't want it to get out in the open. To this day, my friend (who has only told a handful of people about her experience) feels shame and disgust at herself even though mentally she knows it was not her fault. That touches on another question that comes to mind after reading your piece - about what the psychological effects of that abuse were for those girls and how it affected the rest of their lives. It just makes me so so sad to think of that.

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  10. I, too, am/was a victim when I was 10 or less. I blamed myself for it and never spoke about it with anyone from my family cuz I thought they'd blame me. I still don't have the confidence to talk about it openly.

    What I want to learn now is how to make illiterate village people understand the need of discussing this issue openly,to help them communicate with their kids on this and to confront the abusers.

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  11. really appreciat your effort, these issues should be brought up. I´m a victim of these issues too. and my life must be far more different if I didn´t have these experiences. have many things to share. is it the right platform. what you suggest?

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    1. Thanks for your comment, Anonymous :)

      I'm not sure what the right platform is, but we should do whatever we can to make sure that other kids don't go through it. I do believe in the power of sharing stories on the Internet, like through blogging. You should at least write an article about your experience (using a pen name, maybe?) and have your story published on Huff Post or Tribune or something major like that.

      Delete
  12. Child abuse in pakistan is almost 100 percent. Especially among boys. All boys r sexually molested and sodomized by older bhai Jans.
    It's very common for girls too. It's a shame that when we kids, we were not encouraged to speak up and complain.

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    1. Agreed. Completely agreed. I, too, believe it happens to almost 100% children!

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  13. these things happen a lot in swat. swat is a dam khana, they have no ghairat at all even the religious clerics of them. taliban beating a woman was another example. this is the real face of pathans. proud to be punjabi :)

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    1. LOL. Because Punjabis don't do this? Think again! Sexual abuse has no religion or race or nationality. Punjabis do it just as much as non-Punjabis, including Pukhtuns, do it.

      Open your eyes more widely and you'll see it. Listen to the kids around you, and you'll see it.

      Delete
    2. As far as I remember the only and largest Randai Khana is Hira Mandi or Diamond Market and that is not located in Swat or KPK for that matter? Can anyone remind us where this great establishment is located?

      Delete
  14. I've really no words to condemn this wild and inhuman incident...shame on such culprits.

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  15. I've really no words to condemn this wild and inhuman incident...shame on such culprits.

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  16. saddened its just disgusting....you were innocent shouldnt blame yourself for not telling on him, it must have been hard on you but wasnt your fault that you couldnt stop that sick man.
    The society should be aware and educated about such abuse and parents should bond with children in a way that a child can straight away without any fear and hesitation can tell them about any such incidance and abuse. Parents should take in confidance there children that no matter what its never there fault and they wont be blamed if they tell them about anything and they can trust them by telling anything on there mind and its there duty to protect them and believe in them no matter whatever it is.
    we shouldnt trust our children with anyone without supervision even close relations and house helpers, and should listen to them always giving the impression that we are always there for them and they can tell or talk about anything openly with us without thinking of any consequences as its our job to listen and are always there for them no matter what.

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  17. When is part - II coming Orbala?

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    Replies
    1. Very soon, inshaAllah. I have written it, but it needs some polishing and re-reading and all. Say within a week's time :)

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    2. Hi, Anonymous,

      Just wanted to let you know that Part II has just been posted on the blog. Here's the link: When Mullahs Molest Children: Why the Silence?

      Thanks for your patience!

      Delete
  18. why you just said QURAN teacher?? is that another cheap way of showing how much liberal you are? I know in these PUBLIC schools they have islamiyat teacher who is not a qualified cleric but teaches qauida or recites few surah to kids and take other classes (science, urdu ) too. why you did you so much emphasized on the word QURAN. i can fell the hatred and mocking feelings in that. P.S you have portrayed yourself a hindi movie hero in it. Please tell us what happened to you also??

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    1. Thank you very much for your input, *Anonymous* ;)

      Wait - I've really portrayed myself as a Hindi movie heroine in this? Wow! That's interesting, because I'd think anyone reading this (and I myself all these years of my life) would think that I was such a coward for not having spoken up or not having told someone or fought with that beastly Qur'an teacher.

      Thank you for making me feel like a hero :) You've no idea how much that changes everything for me!

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    2. You just replied to the last part of it :) Yeah I still believe that you have portrayed yourself Hindi movie Hero (not heroine please) and not telling anyone about doesn't disqualify you but the way you came out clean and neat and the way you have soooooooooooo much feelings you had for your class mates and then beating his brother :D

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    3. As far as I can tell she mentioned Quran teacher because these bearded bastards(pm me and I will tell you why I call them bastards) should be the LAST ones such filthy acts should be expected from... these are the hypocrites that need to be skinned alive and then made to sit on a stick of lighted dynamite!

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  19. Wowww love you and your writings girl. Reminds me me of our Islamyat teacher in middle school. He was tall with big black beared and use to wear black shirwani and Peacock head head gear (Qula with shamla).
    Being good looking puppoo boy i was his favorit student. In winters he use to keep peanuts in his shirwani pocket. He use to tell me to take peanuts from the pocket and enjoy them. First time i was shocked because i felt something warm fluffy in the pocket and he presed my hand to hold it. He had a long thick tool with mushroom head ! and his pocket had a hole.

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    1. Oh my God ... So sorry, Anonymous, just realized I haven't replied to this comment.

      Thank you for sharing your story, too. I'm so sorry it happened to you. These mullahs need to be recognized for these ungodly acts. They do terrible stuff to our kids because we ALLOW them to do it. We need to stop allowing them!

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  20. very very sad..but you are right absolutely right..These beasts must be exposed..must have ppl courage to say and in this way society course can be changed in a better way...But we must take care that before blaming somebody with such charges we must have credible evidence because it can harm damage somebody life very seriously..so we must be balances in our approach.
    take care all.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment, Anonymous! :)

      I agree that it can harm someone's life, but some people's lives deserve to be harmed - like the mullahs who sexually abuse children daily and we don't do anything about it even after we know it, but we instead question the child!

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  21. i think thats the most vulnerable age for kids to be victim,so special consideration should be taken and should be discussed,now a days shahzad roy advertisment of promoting education is going on on GEO TV,one person while he ask him about co education ,he replies that kids being small no matter whether they study in co is not a problem.but what i think that this paki society is such sick that even kids know everything about sex and that age is more dangerous for both boys and girls.bex i know myself while studying till class 4th in govt school i know how my classmates were expert at talking about sex and sexuall harresment although i didnt notice any such thing from teachers,crossing that stage i went to other schools then there was no such talks about sex maybe depends on area too.or may be maturity comes then at the stage and no one can talk to u what u dont want to listen,about girls you shared your experience and thats good,thats why think specially in these pukhtoon belts speciall care should be taken about kids and also thier teachers ,and specially the school managment should ,and also the parents should ask their kids about any problems they face at school,parents often being only happy that their kids go to school but dont ask about thier probles,one of the recent incident i remember that abottabad school kid who then done suicide ,and he has also left a note for his parents,GOD knows better what was that problem,but what i conclude THAT SPECIALL CARE SHOULD BE TAKEN AT THAT FRAGILE PERIOD OF LIFE BECAUSE THATS WHAT HAVE IMPACT ON THE REST OF LIFE AND ONES PERSONALITY .

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  22. Hang all the bastards!!

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Dare to opine :)

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