Missing my Parents and the Apple of My Eye - Kashmala!!

So, you guys, I miss my family terribly! They miss me, too, of course (I mean, who wouldn’t), but it’s just … I don’t know. The missing isn’t going well right now. And Kashmala?!?!?! Oh my God! I’m going INSANE without her, world!! I always knew I loved her this crazy, but I’m going crazier than I ever thought I would if I were to be away from her for longer than week! I managed to survive without her in Pakistan, and I’m tryina figure out why that was. It can’t be that I was always busy there, since I’m even more busy here. There, I had people/family/relatives to meet every day, something to do every day, somewhere to go every day; here, same thing (save the family/relative part): there’s always a group activity, meeting, event, homework/assignments/presentations/etc. that need to be taken care of every day. But then again, in Pakistan, there were trillions of kids around, so I guess I didn’t feel the need to have a kid around me so much. But here? None :( Well, I saw this little baby boy at the center the other day, and OH MY GOD!!! He was not only the handsomest thing ever, but he was also soooo adorable he took my breath away! MashaAllah, tf, tf, nazara na shi. But that doesn’t happen much. Few scholars/students working at the center have babies. ~sighs~

I don’t know . . . I’m just wondering now *how* I’m gonna live without her when I move next month. And the worst part is this: By the time I see her around August 15^th, ka khairee, she’ll be three months older than I saw her last time! THREE MONTHS OLDER, people, THREE FREAKING MONTHS OLDER!!!! I don’t want her to grow!!!! I was talking to her on Skype the other day, and she’s sooo grown up!!! But she’s still the most prettiest, most adorablest thing on earth, so it was still cool. But I can’t let her grow any older than this, y’all. I try to talk to her every other day, if not every day, but you know how babies are: my sister leave her at the computer to talk to me, and she stares into the camera and plays peek-a-boo and “Shanu-sing-this-song” with me for a little while, and then she gets bored so she leaves without saying bye K ughguhgerteiwruituir!!!!!!!

Anyway, all this just to say I miss my family very much.  Oh, and this is the first time I’ve been away from my family, too :) I mean, it’s not socially acceptable for Pashtun (and many other eastern) parents to allow their daughters to live on their own, even for a little while, and especially to be abroad. So I love, love, LOVE my dad and mom for having let me do this. In a matter of some days or so, I’ll post a blog entry on how the conversation between me and him went when I informed him that I got the scholarship and was asking him whether he thinks I should go or not. To be honest, I applied for the scholarship thinking I would never go even if I got it! But I sorta needed it for my own self confidence, to feel like I could get something this important, y’know.  I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt had I not won it. But anyway, so, yeah. That conversation was really interesting, too. And when he approved of my going to an Arab country all alone (well, okay, with the CLS program), I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn’t believe it! My sister and I had discussed it before I told him I got it, and she’d reminded me he’d never say yes, and I’d prepared myself for a “Congratulation!! – but of course you’re not going” (but in a bit nicer way, ‘course). And then when he said yes … OH MY GOD!! I was like, “Dad, are you SURE?” Ohhh man! That was a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL day! It taught me a lotta things about myself and my dad. And even my mom was happy about it and told everyone I was going to Country X for the summer!! I’d be like, “Mom, shh! What if dad says I can’t go?” She was like, “Don’t worry. He’ll prolly say yes.”

Will post that conversation another time. I should get going now. I also have a LOT of other stuff to write, like on my trip to Swat and my recent visit to Um Qias, this rrrreally exciting place here where Palestinians who were kicked out of Israel or who fled for their lives come to that spot to look over their homeland. You can see Syria, Lebanon, Sea of Galilee, and Israel all from that one point. Amazing stuff.  All this to come soon – with some photos!