On the Periphery of Eruption

They try to extinguish these candles of passion
And disturb my ebullience.
They try to silence my thoughts and stultify my valor.
Do they wish I become one of them –
Burn in the rages of ennui and be damned to perdition?
But how am I to relinquish this dwelling of learning?
How must I shun this faith I have descried?
Must I continue reconnoitering new vistas while they regress,
Or must I capitulate to their baleful despise?
Ahhh! How the emollient whispers of each candle compel me
To reject these scathing overtures of a folk unlettered!
I lie here befuddled:
Why seek the approbation of
A people outside my realm of understanding? 
But I must welcome their flagging adoration!    
For, if pondering makes me a miscreant, then a miscreant I shall be!
And I must resist
Until the last candle of passion has consumed itself.
I am but a dauntless soul,
A circumspect acolyte of reason
Learning under the aegis of my teachers,
While caged in a society distended with sanctimony! 
 
~ Qrratugai, October 24th 2010

Persistence is the only thing that keeps you going.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Today, I had the privilege of attending a lecture led by Professor Seyyed Hossein Nasr (YES!!! I did! OMG!) and followed by Vincent Cornell and Scott Kugle (that's correct!) on the pursuit of happiness.

They talked on the concept of happiness in the Islamic tradition. Other scholars talked on faith and other religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism).

It was SO refreshing, SO beautiful, SO peaceful!

Anyway, so lemme share briefly with you what I learned and what they said. Some narrated Sufi stories and the thoughts of Muslim philosophers and scholars on what happiness is, how it is achieved, what it's for, and where it comes from. They talked on what our scholars of the past meant, and what's meant even today, when they say, "Reject the desires of this earth" (this is important to me personally 'cause I always misunderstood it. I thought it means what many people think it means: to literally abandon this earth, don't associate with anyone, resist all desires, and so on. Ahhh, but that's not what it means! I'll explain another time what it really means, ka khairee). The most interesting thing was said by Kugle: "It is not the pursuit of happiness we should be discussing or seeking; it is the pursuit of contentment." He, like the other speakers, reminded us that contentment is more important than happiness and that happiness is only transitory. Contentment, however, is deeper. To be content is to realize that your goals can become your prison, a dead end; to be content is not to let your heart be attached to anything; to be content is to experience something bad and, instead of feeling depressed or angry, looking at it from a distant, asking what it could mean and why it might have occurred (in other words, "What can I learn from this? What can this lesson teach me? It's not in my control, so what can I get from being angered by it?").

Contentment is best achieved by giving, by being generous, by sharing; to be fully content, one should possess the hospitality of the earth.

Most interestingly, the Arabic word for "happiness" is "Sa'aadah," ("Anaa saeedah" = I am happy). But it also means salvation. The speakers therefore asserted that, in Islam, one can attain happiness by attaining salvation. (I will get into the whole philosophical concept of happiness, heaven, hell, etc. in another blog post, not now.)

They said that another way to attain happiness (and salvation) is by performing dhikr, the remembrance of God. There are many ways one can do dhikr, but, when asked if he could perform it for the audience, Professor Hossein said he does not believe it should be done in or for the public.

And, last, they all also agreed with the other speakers and followers and supporters of other religious ideologies by stating that happiness comes with knowing who you are. They told stories in which this is explained. ... And I'll have to watch the lectures again to be able to share each story here, but that's not happening now, k?

Each of these points can be elaborated extensively, I know, but I needed to write all this down for my own sake, so it's not detailed. I'm just saying it all here because it was a really enlightening lecture, and the feeling of being around those sages was and always will be simply divine.

My New Blog :D

YAY! I got a new blog now! I am still gonna keep this Qrratugai one, of course. The other's one just going to have academic themes only, and my audience will include scholars in Islamic studies, gender studies, ethnography, and other academic interests of mine. And I'm going to be posting all things related to gender and Islam there!!

The link to it is: Islam and Gender
Sorry I couldn't think of a more interesting title or link. But no worries: We can change the link any time we like, so if you've got better suggestions, lemme knooooooow, or don't complain.

Peace!

- Qrratugai

"Living Love" - what it means to love and be loved!

Yes, I remember the first time we talked. I was angry at him, and we talked about God. He had said something about a quality of mine that I never stopped reminding him for the rest of our life. Never you mind—you shouldn’t know that much. Just know that it was love. When we talked, love talked; love talked to us, and we talked to love. And we talked about love, and he’d tell me always that he did not believe in it; love was not for intelligent people, he’d say. Only I, of the billions of women in the world, had the honor to tell him, “You think you’re all that, but you’re not. Come down to earth. You’re worth no more than I am, and I believe in love.”

I remember, too, the first time he held my hand in his. I remember the warmth, the scent, the love, the respect. He said he could read palms, and so he took mine to pretend to read it. I knew he was lying. But it was the right thing to do with him—only with him. It took him several weeks to realize I could read his mind, because his mind was mine and mine was his and we were one, so he didn’t have to lie. Oh but how he lied! It was no Bollywood movie. I wanted him to hold it forever, and he did. He is still holding it.

Abu's Comments

Pa khairuno, Abu (Hurairah)! 

I hope all's well with you.

Kha, so, since the Chatter Box thingie is mostly for hi/bye/sup kinda talks, I figured I should create a whole new blog post for you where you can say anything you want in the comment box below. Feel free to ask all your questions, complain about Qrratugai's beliefs (lol :D), and say whatever else crosses your mind. I'll respond accordingly. 

I think this is better, but if you prefer the chatter-boxie, I guess I can live with that. 

Dre nim darzana manana, wror gwala!

- Qrratu

A Mother's Advice to Her Bride-Daughter

I just read this on some Facebook group, and, and, and . . . well, I wish I didn't have to say that I'm SO sorry for the poor bride who does take (some of) this advice! Consider the boldened parts, for example. Of course, some of it is very helpful, noble truths, I want to call them  -- but they don't apply to women alone; they could prove quite helpful for men as well (example: "Show him as much honor and respect as you can"; So I don't know why the emphasis had to be on the bride only.Yes, there's one point in which the mother tells the daughter to become like a servant to her husband --  but she adds that "so that he will become like a servant to you." I guess it's just that I can't see myself treating my husband like a servant or accepting servile treatment by him! Or that I would never be able to respect a man who cannot handle disagreements (the mother tells the daughter to always agree with her husband so that he will enjoy her company).

Khair, enjoy, folks!

Abd al-Malik (RA) said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her and said:


'O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
'O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
'O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
'Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.
'The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
'The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
'The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
'The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
'Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and protect you." (Jamharah Khutah al-'Arab, 1/145)
'Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
'Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
'The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

Honors Thesis Topic Finalized at Last!

Hurray for me! I FINALLY (no, really -- I MEAN finally!) settled on a topic that not only interests and fascinates me but is also extremely relevant to modern affairs among Muslims, especially South Asian Muslims. I'm still gonna continue my digging for works on honor and Pashtun women, but that'll have to wait until I am working on my PhD dissertation! If, when the time comes, I realize that I wanna deal with gender in Islamic law and hermeneutics and Islam and feminism or something else, then no biggie at all: I'll just do my fieldwork in Swat/Pashtunkhwa whenever my future allows me, ka khair wee.

What's my topic, you ask? Ahhh, what but the notion of authority in Islam and the great and highly revered Zakir Naik, beloved friends! Now, any thesis adviser will tell you that that's just not specific enough, that it needs to be narrowed down. Sure thing - not to worry: I will deal with Zakir Naik and women's rights and his views on women in other religion, or in the west. (You know how he's always attacking the west for its representation of women. He lives in this ideal world in which women are treated with so much respect and love, and they're so appreciated for EVERYTHING that they do for the world. And the west, this infidel west, is nothing but a bad, bad, bad place for women. He's also always attacking other religions, appearing like an authority on other religious scriptures when anyone who just thinks about what he's really saying about those religions can figure out the wrong things he's teaching about those religions! It's truly a crisis. Muslims listen to them with the idea that "as Muslims, we're the only ones right. Everyone else is wrong. Let's just wait for Zakir Naik to tell us how they're wrong." Dude! Come ON! Read yourself! Study yourself!...k, yeah.) And, so, I think it's important and needs to be discussed in the academic world.

Last year, my "Islam in South Asia" professor asked me what suggestions, if any, I might have for him to make the course not only more appealing but wider in scope as well. Well, the first thing I said was: Academic scholars, especially those educated in western or other secular institutions, have little to no influence on Muslims' lives and belief systems; it is preachers like Zakir Naik, Ahmad Deedat, Yusuf Estes, etc. who have more power, more authority, and more influence. When we discuss Islam in South Asia, we NEED to talk about these figures because, although we strongly disagree with them and are aware of their lack of deep knowledge of Islam, it is THEY who everyone listens to. And so I suggested to my professor that he either write something on this himself or then search for some. You shouldn't graduate with an Islamic Studies badge unless you understand what power preachers like the above-mentioned ones have over Muslims and why Muslims look up to them to begin with.

More about my thesis will be discussed in the academic blog I'm creating right now (it's taking time 'cause it has to have the PERFECT name, PERFECT literature, PERFECT style, PERFECT look -- everything perfect. You understand.), but this was just to say: I am happy and relieved that all worked out well after all :D Hey, now I know how to guide someone who might be in the position I was in these last few weeks!

Peace be upon the world!

Waiting for ... What?

Some weeks ago, friends and I gathered to talk about something very important and relevant in today's busy world: Why are we always busy, and why are we always waiting for the next break?

I meant to share this message a long time ago but forgot in the mean time and was reminded about it today by my sister who is taking a yoga class (which I recommend for every single human to try out if possible!!), and her coach is one of those people who starts off the class with the message to "Leave ALL your worries behind the door, and enter this room with the desire to be happy, to FEEL happy, to relax." Forget lessons on happiness; everyone defines it differently, but the one thing we NEED to agree on is to stop waiting for happiness to come to us and instead go to happiness ourselves.

Now, why're we always waiting for a break? Come Christmas Break, you can't enjoy, you can't relax because you have a lot of homework to do, a GRE/MCAT/GMAT/etc. to study for, a thesis to write, several books to read for academic purposes, and so on. The moment you TRY to relax, you can't enjoy it because you feel guilty that you're doing something fun when you should be, say, studying. But why? And, more importantly, DO you actually end up using every single minute of your life studying? No, of course not. That's humanly impossible, and even the most nerdest people among us can't and don't do it.

Then, once Christmas Break is over, first day of class/work and we're counting days till the next break visits us! Heck, stop waiting for breaks to visit you and go right up and visit those breaks!

So, relax and stop waiting for the next break. Dedicate a good amount of time of your life to taking rest, to relaxing, to doing something that you ENJOY -- be it what I do at times: Reflecting on the day's or week's events, my feelings, what good I've done, what bad I've done, what I've accomplished, what needs to be done. Believe it or not, just sitting alone with yourself and reflecting on your own life every now and then helps relaxes your mind quite a lot.

It's good to plan for the future, for the next moment, yes, but it's unwise to plan the tomorrow so much that you forget to live in the present.

Peace to all!

Back to Blogging :D

Hello, world!

So I decided to get back to blogging again. The main reason is that I'm really busy. Odd, I know. But what I mean is that because I'm busy with my academic life, I need something to do for pleasure as well, something that benefits not only me but others as well. I mean, reading is the most exciting thing to do -- okay, ranking after the most beautiful baby girl in the world (that'd be my niece, yes) -- but that's just for myself. My blogging, however, has benefits for my readers as well, yeah? Writing blog posts could be way of taking a break from the serious moments in my life -- serious like choosing which freaking grad schools to apply to, who my advisers should be, and so on. They give me a headache just thinking about them, you see.

Bottom line: Blogging's the best. don't understand why more people don't turn to blogging. Really, it's such a great medicine for the mind and soul!

Okay, so I have some ideas, and I'm gonna try to share them here.

1. The "really important" things are at last done with: The professional blog, owned by my summer research adviser, that I was monitoring is still running, but since I'm not involved in the research this semester and will be getting back to it either during the Winter Break, ka khairee, I don't have to post in it until then.

2. I need to have an academic blog that'll aid the studies and research of students of Islamic Studies, Gender/Women/Queer Studies, and Religious Studies as well as (Muslim and/or Pashtun) women and other interested individuals. In this blog, the tone of which must be as professional as it can get, I will discuss the books, articles, and other literature that I find important and worth reading and provide PDF links to them (technology: the best thing humans have come up with as of yet! Every time I read a book or something I love, I immediately contact the author. Some of them are kind and generous enough to send me PDF files of their other works! How beautiful that be?!). I also have a gazillion and a quarter ideas for research on Pashtuns, especially Pashtun women, as well as on Muslims in general, and since I may not live long enough to accomplish the goals I have set for myself, someone else needs to hear those ideas so that they may be enforced if/when possible.


3. Coming up with a topic for an honors thesis is one of the most torturous moments of a student's life! Those of you who have been through it share the sentiment. Oh geez, I spent the entire summer reading books to include in my thesis, or to compile a good enough bibliography for the thesis, but it turns out ... I'm not satisfied with that! I need something more intellectually stimulating than what I'd chosen. Khair, I will discuss this in the next blog post -- my honors thesis dilemma and all. But, needless to say, I refuse to quit here and am going to have a highest honors by the end of April 2011, ka khairee.

4. Zakir Naik!!!!! Maaan!! I can't WAIT to write something on this guy! It turns out, my honors thesis MIGHT be on this guy's influence on (South Asian) Muslims! I haven't shared this possibility with my adviser, so it's possible that he disagree with it, but we'll see. (The reason he might disagree is that we have discuss Islamic Feminism and Islamic law extensively, and we had initially hoped to have the thesis on that. More about this later.)

All right, now. So the summary is:

- Blogging is good for the mind!
- I will be creating a new blog that will be for academic purposes only. This one will remain my space for ranting :D
- I need ideas for an honors thesis topic, and I'm still listening to whatever anyone has to suggest.

Peace! I'll be back later.

The Misunderstood Role of the Hijab

 So, a conversation with a great teacher the other day made me realize something that I'd always known and believed but hadn't really thought about: when you wear a hijab, you're expected to be ... abnormal. Allow me to elaborate.

You see, a hijabi girl is not allowed to smoke, drink, talk to non-related males; she must walk properly, dress properly, and be perfect and "modest" (whatever this term means) in every other way. But why? Why does she have to be burdened with all of this? Meaning, if she's gonna do these things without the hijab on, why can't she do them WITH the hijab on, too? People often say, "What's worse is when a HIJABI smokes -- or wears tight jeans or hugs males or laughs loudly in public," etc. But why can't she do this? Why deny her these things just because her hair is covered? And why're we even assuming that she's wearing the hijab out of choice? Why are we ever SHOCKED when we see a hijabi girl holding a boy's hand (a boy who's not her husband)? If you smoke, why should you be forbidden from doing it just because you wear the hijab, for example? Or if you hold your partner's hand in public, why should you be forbidden from holding it in public just because you wear the hijab? Of  course, like everything else, this can be viewed in different ways, both negative and positive. One way could be that when you wear the hijab, you start to represent not only Islam but all Muslims. Hence, you MUST be behave in a way that the ideal Muslim would behave -- or else. Another way could be that wearing the hijab, deemed a symbol of modesty and virtue, means that you are striving to become a better Muslim, which means that you must avoid everything that you're expected to avoid. As a result, since smoking is not something that "good girls" do, hijabi girls, who are normally seen as "good girls," shouldn't smoke. If you don't wear the hijab, however, then you may do so, since you don't have to worry about carrying the burden of representing an entire faith and over a billion people worldwide.

Still, though, why all these expectations with one choice? I mean, it's not even like all females who wear the hijab do so out of choice. Why should they, too, have to do everything they're expected to do just because they cover their hair?

So what I now wonder is . . . why can't you wear the hijab and be "normal" at the same time? In other words, if, for a hijabi woman, doing something without the hijab is normal or something that she would do if she were NOT wearing the hijab, why does it have to become abnormal or unacceptable with the hijab on?

P.S. I imagine folks twisting my words and going around saying, "Qrratugai thinks that hijabi women should drink and smoke, wear indecent clothing, talk indecently, do everything indecent" and so on. hah. Oh believe me - such folks exist!

Weeping at Ghani's Grave

Dear readers,

This poem has been transferred over to my new blog. Please click here to access it.

Thank you!

~ qrratugai

Exodus of the Wretched Souls

Exodus of the Wretched Souls

Welcome the exodus of the wretched souls!

When living life becomes an option

And death becomes the first resort

All faith in humanity is lost

What is life when there is no more life?

When the flames of hell appeal to the soul

More than does the calm of a non-existent paradise

When the heart has seen enough serenity

And hell repels it, but it repels heaven

When the darkness of the sun pervades the spirit of humanity

Welcome the exodus of the wretched souls!

Let the heart amble with the aimless

Let it float in the hollows of our memories

Let it stumble on the pieces of callous human flesh

Humanity does not exist

The well of life has dried up

Welcome the exodus of the wretched souls.

~ Qrratugai
Monday, June 14^th 2010