Joke: Dear Syed Abby

 Absolutely HILLLLLLARIOUS! :D:D I'm still cracking up -- and I read this like months ago!

Dear Seyed Abby,

I am a young Pashtun man of marriageable age. I have been raised in the West my whole life and so I have fairly liberal views in comparison to those raised back home. I consider myself not to be good enough for Pashtanas (Pashtun women), but at the same time I consider myself too good for Desi/Farsiwan girls. It would be a waste for a Pashtana to marry me, and it would me a waste for me to marry a non-Pashtana of ethnic extraction. What should I do?

Signed,

Confused-Pashtun-of-Marriageable-Age

*** 6-8 Weeks Later ***

Dear Confused-Pashtun-of-Marriageable-Age,

Let me begin with the name of the almighty: Allah. With that said I think you are not alone. I too was once a lost cause. I was doing the clubbing and the flirting with no care for the tomorrow. That was until my parents forcibly married me to a kharattah of considerable anger management problems. She beat me with the ugly stick until I was no longer able to flirt without scaring the other person involved into thinking that I was experiencing a seizure. Haha, those were the days, yes?

Alhamdulillah, I now have 13 children. Imran, Bilal, Safia, Abdullah, Marjan, Parveen, Qais, Shabana, Abid, Abida, Nabila, Pervez, and Mooda (short for Mehmooda). The last one is the youngest but a ditto copy of her dear mother. She keeps the others in line with smaller stick of her own. Even I am sometimes afraid of her.

Enough about my life story though. With regards to the Desi and Farsiwaan girls, it is unlikely anything will prosper from such a union. No Pashtun man has ever married a Desi or Farsiwan girl and lived to tell the tale. The essence of Pashtuniyat depends on a kharattah maintaining the focus of a Pashtun male. Pashtun women were the head of the household in pre-Islamic times, “dontcha” know?

I think you will be fine with the grace of Allah. Remember to perform istikhara at least 7 times a day. I cannot stress how much it will help you when it comes to making the difficult decisions.

May the almighty bless you with a kind kharatta and everything else you desire. Go in peace, CPoMA.

Seyed Abby
Facebook ID: “Rockefeller Shanksta”