Saturday, May 1, 2010

On Infatuation, Lust, and Love

Lust, love, infatuation ... extremely difficult terms for some of us.

Lust has to do with the desire to be physical with the beloved. I think it SHOULD be present in love -- otherwise, my understanding is that love is incomplete. If you don't have that physical desire, that longing, that craving for the person, it's not complete love in my opinion. And, by lust, I mean intimacy. It doesn't mean, however, that you touch the person 24'7, or everywhere you are. I am not a fan of public display affection, although I realize that everyone has her/his own views on this.

So, whereas feelings of love INCLUDE feelings of lust, lust does not include feelings of love at all.

Infatuation, according to me, has nothing to do with love. It lasts for a very brief time. You know you're infatuated with someone when you ONLY want to be physical with them. There's no intellectual, no emotional connection; it's just physical. You don't love the person for what she/he is but only for her/his ability to satisfy your physical needs.

~ Love is when you can tell your partner, "We haven't fought in FIVE DAMN days, man! We should fight." And he smiles at you and laughs like you're the most beautiful thing in the world -- and you are, in his world.

~ It is love that enables you to use a type of language with your beloved that you CANNOT use with others; you just don't feel comfortable using that same language, same tone, same terms with others because to you, it's too special, too precious to be shared with others, and you wish to reserve the language only between the two of you.

~ Love is when you fight with your beloved, pull his hair alllllll you want (in complete privacy, of course, not in front of others), and 30 minutes later, you're giving him the most beautiful smile he's ever seen.

~ Love is when you work together with your beloved to cook and clean, just as you do in the process of reproduction.

~ Love is when you meet your beloved after a long period of time (long in your world, not necessarily in the world's world, hah -- it could mean one week or a month or a year, but to you, it's no less than eternity), and the first thing you do is hold hands talk and talk and talk and catch up on ALL the things you've missed out on together during that time. Plans to satisfy your physical desires aren't really discussed; they come naturally once you're both calm and back to normal.
(Means to say ... the first thing on your mind isn't always intimacy. Just BEING with the person is the best thing for both of you, and everything else comes second, although it MUST happen in order for the love to be "sanctified," as I like to see it.)

So!! :D This is what I have come to conclude-- and I'm a strong advocate of and believer in love. Not a lot of people are lucky enough to experience the feeling, and I find it to be a wonderful way for one to appreciate oneself and another human being (same gender or not, but I myself prefer the opposite gender).

And, no, this ain't no fantasy; it's possible and it has proven to be true for many people, but unfortunately, not everyone's lucky enough to experience love this way.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Qrratugai, there is something in your writings that compel me to visit your blog, however, this is perhaps the only post that I have read with the tight set of my clenched jaw, the muscle beating on my temple, and feel something inside me crumbled. Let mundane people write mundane things. Let the big folks mouth the stupidest things but for people of substance like yourself have better things to take care of in life.

    On your Pashtun soil, humiliation in the form of search operations has become a common occurrence. Once again guns have proliferated on the streets to such an extent it is mind-boggling, and the murder of innocent people has become the norm. Every time I pick up a newspaper or turn on the television there is some new horror that chill me to the bone. In the past, it was turbans and beards, and now boots and pants. Army – in a carefully planned way – is helping and strengthening the Talibaan and weakening the Pashtun Society by killing the cream of the Pashtun Society: Heads of local Lashkars, Jirgas and Peace-workers. The local tongue-tied Pashtun masses have become blobs sitting around doing nothing except mourning and feeling sorry for themselves. It is time people like you to start galvanizing the Pashtun Community living abroad and to show to world the dreadful and wicked face of the Pak-Army.

  3. Thanks, you both, for your comments! As always, they're highly encouraged, welcomed, and appreciated!

    @ Mesbah: I toootally agree that love is developed--and that's part of the reason I don't believe in love at first sight. It's something that's established with time. However, I must admit that ... well, what to say :D there ARE certain characteristics and principles the future-beloved *must* have before I'm attracted to him ~biting nails~ But no worries! They're nothing like a certain height or weight or anything (well, yes, the age is still there :D He's gotta be over 15 years older than sweet innocent Qrratu, unless he's just exceptional :D).

  4. @ "The Humiliated": Thanks for your comment, E.! I appreciate it!

    Mara, lol ... what to say. It was just something pasted from a forum I shared it in, as a response to someone's question about love. So I figured I'll just go ahead and include it in my rambling here.

    Nonetheless, I think you need to get a blog. I wish someone who's currently INSIDE Swat (frequently or always, or around, anyway) would get a blog or just start writing in some other way ... :S We really need to know what the hell is going on, and I'm not there, so it's difficult for me to imagine how life for our people back home is. However, if you post a more detailed description, I'll be pleased to post it on my blog.

    Manana again!

  5. @Qrratugai: It was such a beautiful piece of poetic prose based on reality that instilled a feeling of peace in my unconscious mind. I thought Love is a hyper state of tostesteron level in human body becuase no body would love a 90 years old lady but it seems that love has a lot to do with mind too.It means when you express your heart you are in complete control of things.

    @ The humiliated: Instead of lamenting and mourning cant you use your prolific writing skills to write an article and send it to the major newspapers or atleast Frontier post or any other media. What is the point in falling prey to inferiority comeplex and waiting for God or asking a girl , who is already doing more than what is possible humanly,to highlight the crises in SWAT. Have Yousafzais lost all balls that they now cannot voice their protest? We do not know what is happening there in reality,if you dont want to dare ,then I volunteer ,let me know,I will raise a voice for our beloved Swat.

  6. Hi,
    Nice post, I would only like to request you to add the word "respect" along with love. Simple love without respect for each other will lead to bitterness and possible separation....

  7. Hello there, Maroon! Thanks for coming by!

    Yes, of course love is nothing without mutual respect. Not sure how two people, partners for life, can cooperate with each other without respecting each other. I certainly can't imagine it.

    Manana again!

  8. Jara si gard-e-hawas ishq mein lazmi hai Faraz,
    Woh ishq kya jo daman ko pak chahta hai.

  9. @Qrratugai
    It happened to me :(....was very happy with "love" even though there was lack of respect and then I snapped and ended it..couldn't take the disrespect anymore, I had begged for respect but I was taken lightly and for granted....but it still hurts and I find it hard to believe that I snapped and moved on...:(

  10. Oh ... very sorry to hear that, Maroona! Be proud of yourself for moving on, though. If you can't be respected in the commitment, there's no reason for you force yourself to respect the other either; she/he doesn't deserve you then.

  11. @ Pir Rokhan and Anonymous, your comments are welcomed! Thank you!

    Anonymous, I love the second line :D "Woh ishq kya jo daman ko pak chahta hai." Yesss!

  12. Love can turn you into something submissive, it can torture you, you might allow yourself to be humiliated and exploited out of love. There is people who've been stuck for years, folks in abusive relationships and they are still together I do not know if out of love or out of habit. People commit most stupidities out of love I assume, people take a lot of pain because of love.

    Love is not only a sweet rosy thing. It's something serious and I believe we tend to idealise the positive aspects only leaving out the destruction it can cause within ourselves. Sometimes loves just destroys all you've ever been.

  13. Love certainly can be hell! A friend of mine once defined it as "heaven and hell."

  14. :), Discover and teach and I don't like the word preach but preach as well.

    I like your freedom to think, comment and explore on such issues! Give that to our Pashtun women. As a society we are unfortunately attracted to extremes and on top of that, we make our choices without any real thought process into them. I don't care what people choose for themselves but I don't like them to make brainwashed choices. And thats what I like here that you think, believe and than take a stand!

    As for love! Ahhh! :), It's an emotion like any other, powerful and good at times but not more than any other emotion. But for the case of young people, it's usually misunderstood for the game nature is playing with us by pumping incredible amount of hormones into our blood streams so that we do it's bidding and reproduce. Somehow nature cares lot more about the survival and growth of human race than any of us individually.

    I don't know how old are you, but I would suggest you to look back your comment when you would be 40-60-80. :)

    Good luck! :)

  15. Hi, No-Name! (LOL, nice choice :p)
    Thank you very much for your comment! Very interesting stuff you've got to say there!

    I'll take your advice and look at my comments when I'm 40, 60, 80, ka khairee, lol. And hopefully, they won't make me go, "What the hell was I thinking back in my youth?!"


Dare to opine :)

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