The Different Ways People Use Facebook - and why they're all okay!

Lately, I’ve been thinking lots about the different ways that people use Facebook—and the rude, mocking, judgmental ways that some of us respond to those different ways. Several of my friends on Facebook have pointed this out, some of them seeming very apologetic about the way they present themselves on Facebook, some being hurt and offended (and rightly so) that certain of their friends don’t like the way they act on Facebook.

So my post below is for all those who are passive-aggressive on Facebook/twitter, who bully others (especially indirectly), who sub-tweet, who are easily annoyed with the way other people chose to use facebook/twitter, who take their anger out on others for using social media differently than they themselves do. If you're anything like this, please stop. Let people do whatever they are comfortable doing on social media so long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else.

P.S. It may get a bit too repetitive than you might like, but that's okay with me :) I feel the examples are necessary.

Kakorri - a Pukhtun Gift from Parents to Daughters (and on how evil paternal grandparents and aunts can be)

In the Pukhtun society, at least in parts of Pakistan like Swat and Pekhawar, when a married girl/woman visits her parents for an extended time--say, more than 10 days--her parents' side makes her lots and lots of kakorri (singular: kakorray) as her going-away gift. They look like what you see below (some of the pics aren't good and don't reflect the deliciousness of the kakorri, but you get the idea! They're round, fried, dark red or close to brown, and absolutely delicious. Made of well-kneaded dough, they're best with tea!) So the pics:

What happens when a Pukhtun man wears a burqa and goes into a bazar - hint: harassment & sexual advances from men of all ages

I just saw the best video of all time from a Pukhtun TV program: a man wears a burqa (full body covering) and goes into the bazar or the public to learn what it's like being a woman in public in Khyber Pashtunkhwa, Pakistan's NW province. Of course, we know that harassment is universal, and men will do everything to justify it. In many cases, women, too, justify their harassment and blame themselves for it. Harassment. We've all heard about it, and many of us deny it or will blame the woman on it. Or talk about it in such a way that the woman's at fault instead of putting the blame in the criminal.

Why You Should Read "Salaam, Love" & "Love, InshAllah": on unity, Islamophobia, and Muslim Americans

Pre-post: I realize that not all of the stories shared in the two books (Love InshAllah and Salaam, Love) are about Muslim immigrants or children of immigrants, but I choose to focus on that anyway - on what it's like being an immigrant in the U.S. and why our voices should be heard. I also understand that, per my choice to address this piece to "non-Muslim Americans" and "Muslim Americans," the U.S. isn't simply divided into "Muslims" and "non-Muslims" but I think that these two categories are the most relevant to my discussion.

Thank you for reading!

Love, InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women  and Salaam, Love: American Muslim Men on Love, Sex, and Intimacy are two of the most important books ever published, especially about Muslims—and more specifically about American Muslims and American Islam. No, rather, they’re not about Muslims; they are the real, personal stories of Muslims as told by them themselves. Surely, they don’t cover every perspective and every experience in existence, but they should be applauded for being open to diverse perspectives nonetheless. And while it may seem as though they are privileging “American” Muslims only, I think this isn’t necessarily the case. Neither the editors nor the authors in any way suggest that their experiences as American Muslims are more important than those of Muslims elsewhere. I read them as an effort by those involved to narrate and describe their own personal struggles and challenges with being a Muslim in America and facing real, human issues on all things (romantic) love and relationships. In the process, many of them tell what it has been like for them as immigrants or children of immigrants, as Muslims being raised in an Islamophobic society, as young adults figuring out who they are and what their place is in an in-between space (that’s neither their parents’ world nor the world of their American peers) that does not recognize them and their experiences.

To non-Muslim Americans:

For far too long, Muslims’ voices have been marginalized and our stories have been told for us from an observer’s point of view. On the one hand, the media has a certain narrow, artificial, and specific image of what it means to be a Muslim, such that when Muslims do not fit that image, questions are raised about our Muslimness. We are accused of trying to “fit in” even when many of us do not make such efforts (yes, some do, and they have their reasons that need to be understood in their contexts). On the other hand, the American Muslim community at large prefers that the truth about our lives, struggles, experiences be hidden because 1) they might contradict Islamic ideals, and/or 2) they might verify the fears of Islamophobes. And then there’s us, the Muslim Americans who are unsure about what to do with the complexities, the contradictions, and the realities that make us who we are. 

Needless to say, you won't suddenly understand your Muslim American neighbor, but you might learn that you've more in common than you initially thought or than you are expected to have. Reading Muslim American stories should by no means replace any other efforts of yours to get to know Muslim Americans better, but it is a good start or at least a fair and legitimate source of knowledge about them. And, of course, our lives extend beyond the relationships (romantic or otherwise) we build, but they're a major part of who we are, and one of the most beautiful, most important things all humans have in common is ... ta-daaah, love!

Happiness, Semester Classes, and the like!

So another semester has begun. Only, this time, I'm being brave and starting with a positive attitude! I'm going to make myself happy and keep myself relaxed no matter what comes my way.

Lila Abu-Lughod's "Do Muslim Women Really Need Saving?"

Because I loved this article - and because I think the link between "Muslim women" and the 911 tragedy is absolutely ridiculous and stupid.

The below are some random thoughts on the article as I was reading it. I recommend reading the whole article; it's short anyway. Now there's a book with the same title by the same author, too.

"Do Muslim Women Really Need Saving?" (the article) by Lila Abu-Lughod 

Ethics Forum: Septemeber 11 and the Ethnographic Responsibility

Why Blogging Feels Wonderful - a note of appreciation to my blog readers

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I lie in bed thinking about things like the following.

Pashtun Personality of the Week: Samar Minallah Khan – anthropologist and human rights activist

Dear Readers,

Since I've moved to Wordpress, this post can be viewed there now at the following link.

Pashtun Personality of the Week: Samar Minallah Khan – anthropologist and human rights activist

Thank you for your readership!

~ Orbala

Malala Yousafzai's Version of "Ka da zalmo na pura na shwa...": On Sexism in Pashto Poetry and Peghor

I was talking to a Pashtun friend yesterday about sexist and gendered verses/lines in Pashto poetry, even if well-intentioned. Examples include Ghani Khan's "waak ye che da bal wee da dey nar na zanana kha da." [Rough tanslation: "Even a woman is better than a man who allows himself to be subjugated!" I've discussed this in details here.] Really offensive and like what the hell, even though I'm a crazy fan of Ghani's and his philosophies. Then there's this Pashto song that goes like "Pukhtano pasai inqilab rawaly, da garmo veno sor selab rawaly, Ka dase na v mekhaki wachawai da jinako ghunde bangri wachawai." [Rough translation:  O' Pashtuns [but talking specifically to men alone, clearly], wake up and start a revolution; if you can't do that, then go home and put on some bangles and jewelry like girls."] :|  I KNOW, RIGHT!!!

So this friend of mine understood my concern and critique and gave me some good news.

My Poem "Weeping at Ghani's Grave" Re-done with music and Ghani Khan's photos and stuff

A creative and talented reader of my blog made a really nice presentation of my poem "Weeping at Ghani's Grave". It's really beautifully done, and with his permission, I'm sharing it here. I'm especially crazy about the background music. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have been!

If I Had Married Young

Many Muslims tell us that we should marry early—and early usually means late teens and, at the latest, early 20s. Mid- to late-20s is “too old” and by then, we’ve reached the level of spinsterhood. And no one wants to marry a spinster, right? So here are some reasons why I am so, so glad that I didn't marry young and didn't listen to anyone who was telling me to marry--and completely ignore people who think that girls above the age of 18 are "too old" to be marrying now.

Note: None of this is to suggest that I condemn other people's choices to marry young, though I know that in many cases, they're not the individuals' own choices but they end up getting married young out of pressure from parents/family or are blackmailed in some way or another due to certain religious and cultural beliefs. I wish everyone well, especially those who have been or are in such situations.

Female Empowerment on the Rise in Disney Movies at LAST! :)

Dear readers,

First off, I'd like to wish you, your family and friends and other loved ones, and everyone else out there--including myself--a wonderful, peaceful, safe, and beautiful new year. May 2014 bring with itself lots and lots of joys, love, and blessings for us all. And peace for this world. 

I had a terrible 2013, and I have been longing for 11:59pm December 31st to pass, and I'm delighted to announce that I was in a moment of extreme happiness, hope, and gratitude at exactly that time. I won't try to keep you guessing why, so let me tell you.

So I am currently visiting my sister to help her move to her new apartment (it's beautiful, and may she find much happiness and peace here - this year and always, aameen!). We decided that, yes, we've had a terrible year individually and collectively, but we (hopefully?) learned something from our experiences and will try really, really hard to be happier in future unexpected and depressing situations. So we decided to start off by watching a movie late at night. Last night, we watched "American Hustle," and we both hated it. Thought it was a dumb, pathetic, stupid, lame movie - not our type and an absolutely waste of our time. So don't watch it. But what we DID enjoy and had a great time watching and absolutely, absolutely loved was - - ta-daaaahhhh ... Disney's "Frozen"!!! OH MY GOD, you guys!!! It's such an adorable and beautiful movie! Since we hated yesterday's movie, we decided that Disney couldn't disappoint us in terms of its charactorial depictions (the cartoons are always so adorable! Their expressions rock!) So we went ahead with "Frozen." But my sister is at least as much a feminist--and hence anti-female representation in most Disney movies, other media, and most films worldwide--so we were like, meh, let's just enjoy ourselves anyway; at least we're guaranteed a laugh wit the characters' expressions and moves.

Turns out, "Frozen" is actually the best movie we've ever watched in a theater. The story is nice, the characters are hilarious, the movie is hilarious, and the female characters--OH EM GEE! Disney has pleasantly and so happily surprised us with how far it has come in terms of its female portrayal! 

Sure, there's a princess who dreams of finding "true love" the first day she gets out of her home (long story), and she's later told that she'll freeze to death (long story) and the only thing that can prevent that from happening is a touch of true love. She thinks it means a kiss from the man she "truly loves" and everyone else thinks that means that, too. And the audience is expected to think that, too. And we do. And then there's this really beautiful twist at the end that made me, a feminist who's rarely pleased with the movies she watches, SO happy! :) Plus, the girls are independent, strong-willed, can take care of themselves and don't need any princes in shining armors to save them from anyone or anything. And in this one funny scene, this guy tells this princess, "Well, I'd do it, but I have you with me and you don't know how to climb mountains, so" and before he can finish his sentence, the girl's already started climbing. He doesn't even know her and thinks that already and is shocked many times. Ahhh, there's always beauty in the dispelling of myths and assumptions, especially gendered ones! And lastly, "true love" finally means something beyond, far, far beyond simply loving and desiring a man!

So! Just to say - if you didn't think about watching "Frozen" before, consider it now! Disney sucked once upon a time, but it rocks now! 

The movie gave me hope. And I was smiling brightly with my sister at 11:59pm on December 31st, minutes after the movie had ended, happy, hopefully, thankful, and excited for the future ahead. I read our watching the movie as a sign that the next year is going to be full of joys and joys and love and peace and celebrations and happiness, inshaAllah.

May we all be blessed with a wonderful new year ahead, this year and every year. Aameen!