Never Enough Time

I am tired of feeling like I don’t have enough time to get anything done. What do I not have time for? I am blessed with all the time I could ever ask for! And yet, I dare to think there’s not enough time? I need to make some serious resolutions for the upcoming academic year to ensure that I have time for myself (my old weekly self-reflections and stuff--more on this some other time, if you'll remind me), for my friends, for my family, and, most importantly, for my niece!

I remember discussing this with a group of girls from a feminist group at my institution (my alma mater now :D OMG!!! I’ve graduated!! I’m gonna miss it so, SO freaking much!!!) around November 2009, and I remember telling them that my relationship with my teachers is such that I have no problem turning in an assignment later than it’s due. Sure, it’s no habit—but I am not one to stress so much over it that I don’t sleep or my face gets wrinkled up or I lose/gain weight or something. And, so, I’d simply grin at them and say, “I promise it’ll be in your (in)box by xx:yy, k?” This particular one, my favorite teacher of all time, never minded… and it was precisely because he never minded it that I made sure not to do it more than twice or so. I couldn’t betray him like that.

It’s just... earlier, I was talking to a good, a really, really good friend a few hours ago, and I realized I haven’t talked to her in months! And I felt so guilty! All because of my thesis?! No way! How could I, when I had several months for the thesis! Bad time management on my part, clearly.

And my niece? The sole reason I exist today? Ahhh!! My sweetheart, my princess, my everything! No, no, don’t get me wrong; I spent a lot of time with her. It’s not like you can escape her if she’s in the same house as you, especially when she loves you as much as she loves me :D Remember how she starts knocking on my door in the morning at like 8 or 9am and starts calling out my name and won’t leave until I, or someone else, opens the door for her? LOL. Yeah, well, when that kind of a precious thingie around you, you really can’t resist wrapping your arms around her and hugging her and loving her and kissing her and beaming with love and delight and peace because there’s something in your life as important, as precious, as beautiful as she! … Oh God!! How I miss her!!! (More on my missing her in another blog post. Focus now, Qrratugai, FOCUS, damnit!)

Okay, so I was saying … yes, I did get to spend a lot of time with her, but I’ve been thinking … was it enough? Babies grow really fast, right in front of our eyes. But I don’t want to watch her grow: I want to grow with her. And it’s this that makes me believe that when I get a child, I will leave everything else (school, work, whatever else) to make sure I watch her/his every movement. It’s only a couple of years, and then they are grown and not as adorable anymore! And it’s like, when I’m with her, I feel like nothing else matters in this world—nothing but her. Nothing but the fact that I’m blessed with a niece who gives me every reason to smile, to laugh, to appreciate my life and being.

My point? I am not to ever, EVER utter this again: “I don’t have (enough) time.”

Really, what has caused this kind of thinking in the minds of so many of us? Do we really not have enough time? Or do we just not use it the way we should or could be? I have learned that it is the latter for many, if not all, of us. Most of us certainly have the time, after all, to be on Facebook, Twitter, etc.—but not for families and close friends? How does this make sense? Spring came and went (okay, almost), and while a lot of people say Spring is their favorite season because of the lush sceneries, I wonder how many actually had/have the “time” to enjoy any of it.

So, in my future, I hope I’ll remember to read this post regularly to remind myself that when it comes to family and friends and other important people in our lives, time does not exist. (Yes, I know what I’m talking about when I say this.) My PhD begins in the fall, inshaAllah, and I think I’m required to take only at least three (or is it two?) graduate courses a semester. Since I’m used to taking around five courses a semester, three or two won’t be too much of a problem, I hope, which means that I should have ample time to regularly see my friends and be involved in community service and all. But, alas, knowing how I function, I am quite sure I will audit a course or two a semester in other departments!... Whaaat, that’s what I do! Nothing to be ashamed of, of course, but if I’m to take those courses seriously, which I actually do, I then don’t end up having much time left for self. But I should be fine, yeah? Of course.

All rightie … so I guess that’d be all for now, beloved folks! Remember: 

- Manage your time well
- Spend time with the babies/kids in your life
- Don’t ever, ever think you don’t have enough/much time--because you do! Think about it.
- Don't be in a rush; it rarely pays off.
- Spend time with yourself alone every now and then to reflect on the day's/week's/month's happenings, what went wrong, what went right, how you could improve on whatever's bad in your life at the moment, what your current dreams/goals are and how you can attain them,  and so on.