Friday, April 11, 2014

I have my parents’ blessings to go to Oman!

Dear y’all,

I’ve two good news! But they’re so good they feel like a million good news! :) Hamdulillah. First news: I’m going to Oman this summer, and I’ve happily received my parents’ blessings to go! I got the scholarship a while ago, and I really didn’t know how to tell my parents without offending/hurting them because they’d really prefer that I just stay home whenever I can—e.g., when I’m off from school—so they don’t understand why I would go away from them even when I have a moment to spend with them. The last few months, I’ve been getting closer and closer to my parents, and even before we were this close, I, too, preferred to be with them to anything else. And I’m working on that—I’m visiting home as often as I can, I talk to both parents daily, and we’re starting to have longer conversations, alhamdulillah. So I would love, love to spend the summer with them. But I also need to get my Arabic to a more perfect level, and my parents have come to terms with my ambitions :) This means so much to me! And I’m so grateful to them – for what all they’ve had to give up and lose (like other people’s respect :S) just so they can respect my future goals and dreams. May God bless them with a healthy, happy, and long life, both of them, and may they never see any pain ever in their lives. Aameen. I don’t shy away from requesting others to pray for them, either. May the reader’s parents be blessed with peace, happiness, and good health, too, if they’re alive; if not, may they rest in peace, and may they be granted the highest level of paradise (if they believe in heaven). 

I want to cry when I think about this, about how far my parents have been forced to come along with me and my siblings. I’m overwhelmed at how readily and easily they agreed to my Oman journey. My mom was a little hesitant at first and then said, “All right, but please make this your last summer abroad trip.” Last month, she begged me to get married instead because “our men don’t marry girls who travel and who have PhDs.” I told her, “That’s great! That helps eliminate all the assholes.” She goes, “That means NO ONE is going to marry you.” I go, “Aw, mom, c’mon – someone will, I promise. But you don’t worry. Please. I’m really happy where I am in life right now, I love what I do, and I look forward to what I want to do in the future. But I cannot and will not put my life and dreams on hold just so that someone I wouldn’t wanna marry otherwise would marry me!” ... and so on.  It was a long talk. And sadly, that’s a common subject between us. Too often. And each time, it ends the same way: “But I want grandkids.”
“Mom, you already have three of them! And they’re adorable little creatures.”
“But I want them from YOU.”
“You willll, I promise! When the time’s right. When God wills it. Stop worrying.”
“I don’t know. I wish I’d gotten you to marry when you were 15.”
“Thanks for not having done that. It’ll be okay.”

And so on. I’m sure many can relate to this, ha.

As for my dad, I think he’s just given up on asking me questions about the programs I go to study abroad with. Last year (for Morocco), we had a long talk about it. The time before that (for Jordan), we had a long talk about it, too, and he sincerely requested that I make sure I know what I’m doing before doing it and that I know what my intentions and objectives are compared to those of the program that was taking me. This time around, I told him about the program and the scholarship, and then said: “So can I go?” I want him and my mom to know and to be fully assured that they still and always will come first, that if I don’t have their approval, I will not go ahead with the thing until I do get their approval (but I won’t give up – I’ll just wait, no matter how long the wait has to be. This is the same case with marriage: I will not marry anyone my parents don’t like or don’t approve of, but I will not not-do it either: I’ll wait till I get their approval and blessings). I want them to know they still have the upper hand, that they’re still my ultimate authority. But it is perhaps they realize this that they so readily said yes. My dad goes: “You’re an adult now, so you don’t have to ask me for permission for anything. If you believe this thing has more benefits than harms for you and you want to do it, then you have my blessings. I am only concerned with your safety. If you’ll be safe, then by all means.”

Doesn’t that just want to make you tear up?!?!? I smiled when he said I’m an adult and no longer need his permission for things. And I was like, “Yes, but I want you to know that I will not do it if you’re not happy with it.” So he goes, “I understand it’s important for your future.” The first year, he said, “Of course I’m not happy about it – I don’t want any of my kids to be so far away from me. I wish we all lived closer together and didn’t have to do things that required being so far away.” That still makes me cry. I still wonder how much of life is worth anything at all if we’ve to be so far away from our loved ones, from the two people who love us unconditionally and limitlessly. God grant them infinite happiness, peace, and good health, aaamen!

So, yeah, I’m going to Oman this summer, yayyyyy!! I’ll be there for two months, early June to early August. That means half of May and half of August, I’ll be with my family. Kashamala is growing up, but she’s still as loving and sweet as ever. She calls me and ends each voice mail with, “Okay, I love you, bye.” A couple of months ago, I told my mom that I’m sick (had a cold) and I think it’s because I didn’t wear a sweater when I was going out even though it was really cold. I told ammi jaan to tell Kashmala this and to emphasize that it was because I didn’t wear clothing appropriate for the weather so she will know it’s real, lol. So mom told her. Kashmala immediately calls me and says: “SHANU [my nickname]!!!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO WEAR WARM CLOTHES WHEN YOU GO OUT IN THE COLD? WHY DID YOU EVEN GO OUTSIDE??? DID YOU WANNA DIE? YOU WANTD TO DIE, DIDN’T YOU!!!” I tried to answer: “... no ... I didn’t wanna d—” but the 4-year-old interrupted me saying, “YES YOU DID! Well, don’t do that again! Okay, by, I love you.”

And I’m having all caps because the girl was angry and yelling! It was so cute! She cares so much about the people she loves it’s refreshing. I love being with her. When she was a couple of years old, I apparently used to record our talks a lot (with each other). I recently got a new phone, and somehow, those recordings pop up with my music. It’s thousands of them! I’m gonna upload some of them to Youtube and share them on my blog because ohhhh myyyy Godddd!! She’ll melt your heart!

All right, I think this should be all. Oh, wait ... woopsie – looks like I got carried away with News One and forgot to tell you guys all about News Two. Well, that’ll have to wait till tomorrow then, ya? :) Thanks for reading! I wish all viewers peace, happiness, and good health!

~ qrratu


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. Jamshed, I'm so, so sorry I accidentally "removed" your comment! :( I was clicking it to reply to it and it got deleted instead. I don't think there's a way to un-do that action. Ugh. I'm sorry!

      I wanted to say, thanks for reading and commenting! :) I'll be gone for just two months, though, lol. I don't think I'm ready for year-long study abroad programs just yet! InshaAllah in the future some day, ka khairee.

      And, yes, I'll upload the little girl's voice soon.

  2. Blessings to you for your trip to Oman and my prayers and best wishes to your beautiful parents; may they live long and happy lives in this world and the next ameen x

  3. Congratulations. I have qualified as a doctor here in London i a pashtun guy ( afridi). Its really good to see you travelling to these places for education. In my community its hard for me to persuade the elders in my community to allow our women to carry on education and that they shouldn't be married if they don't want to at a young age. Make the most of your experience and inshallah have a good time.

    I wish we had more parents like yours in our community :)


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